____________['[*Moments Sharing*]']___________

Memories for 19th March 2007 (Mon) :
Well today was a very unexpected yet disturbing day 4 me.. lets not talked abt it yet. Morning act did some exchanging of emails conversation, just like when i was during my working days.. Used the com til the afternoon n kw sms me to go Woodlands Library to study.. I was act hesitating to go or not to go, cuz i'm quite lazy n some more i'm not working temporary n travelling is limited by me.

Thus stayed at hm, blog, emails, auditioning n msn games wif Jbear =) Finally able to play again. Thus went over to find kw after tat...he's at level 2 wif Daniel.. Jbear's friend. Halfway thru the studies, some1 which had disappeared in my life appeared again.. Thought Mon supposed to have sch for tat person? 1st, I was very happy abt to see tat person once again..Cuz recently things has not been smooth 4 tat person, n i was just like tat person's shadow, worrying n hoping tat person to recover soon.

However, today's reaction makes me feel terribly disappointed. Am i so scary tat i seems to able to eat a person's up? Things really turned out to be somehow or rather a stranger which we have nv known each other b4. If tat's ur choice, i shall respect it. I'm totally speechless. Somehow or rather, if things turn out to be tis way, i would rather not see each other today. Blame it myself 4 happening to look up from my studies, as i dunno y feeling urging me to look...

Anyway ppl r like tat. They just changed all of a sudden n i shld have expected tat.. Anyway still very happy to see each other again, only a short while.. but my emotions were mixed wif happiness, shocked n disappointed.. I shall not say out wat act happened.. Though i saw it, i find how immature tat reaction was, n i guess i just treated tat i didn't saw it, leaving some leeway 4 tat person to breathe.. Oh my, how devastating i am but yet i still spare a thought for others. This is 1 thing which i hated much abt myself.. Anyway i'm speechless... Things turns out to be so awful... Just hope the part of memories wif tat person remains sweet, just treated it tat i didn't saw tat person today... U can call me a coward, so be it, perhaps i'm avoiding all nasty treatments i received....

Urgh... Too heartbroken tat i got no mood to carry on studying.. THen another unpleasant thing happened -.-! 1st time it actually happened to me.. Cuz suddenly dunno y mentioned abt Jbear's sis scolding kw, lol kw got too excited abt it, shld be agitated n angry haha. Then he tell us wat happened. Then we act got scolded -.-! zzz... 4get abt it..

Nxt went to have dinner wif kw n then go play kof to relief my disturbing mind. Then anything happened -.-! I dreaded ppl repeating the same old thing again n again.. N i just dun feel like mentioning it here. I just dun like ppl wif words but no actions.. I'm terribly sick of everything ard me.. Dreaded this life of mine.. Terribly Sick n i felt disgusted.. Wat sins have i actually done tat i received such treatment from everybody? Nv have i felt so low then ever.. Each time the blow was getting more n more hard 4 me to take it.. I'm beginning to qn myself, wat's the value in me?

After gaming, reached hm use the com again.. Played wif augustine msn games, 7-Hand poker. Lol 5-4 i won a close match.. Nxt played wif dom 2 games of minesweeper, zzz lost all.. No matter how happy things i encounter today, i just dun seems to be happy at all.. i'm terribly disappointed over everything.. nxt the expected came.. Tat person actually smsed me a forwarded text.. Out of guilt? or felt bad for me? Anyway if tat's the reason nor other reason? I dun need any unsincered sympathy.. 4gif me 4 being sarcastic, as i guess i'm just too dejected over wat happened today.. perhaps in my point of view, u made me feel it this way, i read u this way.. U showed me this way.. Anyway i noe, u felt bad n sry 4 me, tat's y i noe u just send me a forwarded text after disappearing in my life 4 so long...

Anyway i dun blame u 4 tat... Its ur choice, its ur decision.. I blamed myself n i shld be the 1 disappearing instead.. How i wished i dun even exist at all.. My presence wasn't really tat welcoming afterall.. I'm totally sick of it....Speechless.....Even like when i received tat forwarded msg... n tat kind of treatment... every1's treatment too... Life seems so hard n heavy to move on...

bubbles of sadness.