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Thursday, October 02, 2008 (01/10/08) Wednesday – Hari Raya Puasa
Its the starting of the new month, its oso a holiday to begin wif. At Home I started my day off lazily. I slp till noon b4 I wake up. I on my com n once again, I have to wait till 1-2hrs b4 I can start using my com again. I'm really sick n tired of waiting.. I feel like gg to lan to solve my problems..but gg lan alone just to do all these stuffs? Hmm very waste of $.. But wat can I do then? Hence I called ben n seek his assistance.. Thank godness, he comes to my aid, specially down from his hse to check on my com.. So I waited for him to come.. At this time, finally my com finished running n I can start using it.. Well I do ntg n was spending my time at msn.. Well I was chatting wif kit.., finding lots of ppl to chat wif.. Was simply bored? Hmm I saw something which triggers my mood.. “Thanks to my shifu Jing”. Wa.. I seems to have many role to this particular same person, until I really dunno who I really am.. So after ending other roles, now my final role is a shifu.. How leh? How to move on? Its really so hard to let go of a painful r/s hor? Tat's y i'm so afraid of getting into a r/s esp in such a case when the ger can't love me like I love her so much.. I really nid to make sure that the ger is real n true in her love 4 me, then I feel certain to enter a r/s.. U can't assume urself tat u truly love me when part of u, was holding back for urself or for other ppl.. Tat's not true love.. Sometimes I day dream, I tried pic myself like other guys out there, who can move on so fast.. Pic me faster get myself a new gf, despite whether I truly love her or not, make use of her to heal my wounds, treat her as a sub, do the things which I do wif my past.. everything follow past.. Sometimes, I was wondering, if she can do it, y can't I? Wa, but pic n pic, I stepped back n retreat.. This is just not me.. I shldn't chg until like tat.. I wasn't in the wrong. If I chg until like this cuz of her, I think i'll then be the wrong n very wrong le.. wrong not in terms to my past, but wrong in terms to the innocent ger. Anyway, the best is, just be myself.. I'm just me.. my principles n my moral values..shldn't be brushed off over such a setback.. No matter how painful it is, once a manages to walk thru it, i'll stand strong again.. But i'm not sure when I can do it... Have a really moved on? Do I managed to succeed in moving on? Sometimes I really wish I can start afresh.. I wanna say bye bye to everybody I knew.. I wanna del of my whole contacts wif everybody.. I wanna leave.. I wanna dun noe anybody.. To a place where nobody noes me.. I make new frds, new ppl, I start afresh.. Can I? Well stg happened too..she contacted me in Msn.. her presence always gives me mixed feelings.. Its not the feelings on myself which i'm unsure of.. Its she gimmes me such feelings all the time which causes me to be unsure myself.. Well she shared a new Anime wif me.. Nodame, abt some beautiful music pieces in the anime.. Hmm.. She really always seems like she really does care abt me.. but its always this mixed feelings of her ownself.. Tat such swit things were always not consistent.. Hence when she contacted me, feelings oso mixed.. happy n oso sad.. oso anger, oso hatred.. many kinds of feelings jumbled up.. In the past, when we quarrel, oso like tat.. Then when we patched, she called this as lowered her pride to contact me.. In the past she does so, n expect me to do the rest of the things myself after that small little actions.. Hmm but I dun consider that as any pride.. wat there to talk abt pride in a r/s? Its so weird talking abt pride n egoness in a r/s.. Anyway, I will watch the Nodame n see if its nice or not.. Well I watched the special episode, hmm so far seems ok.. quite funny at times, except the graphic not in top conditions.. Chiaki inside the anime, is a guy.. Hmm maybe that nick comes from this anime? Its a guy??? Ben visit to my hse Finally ben arrive at sp.. so I rush down to mit him.. Bought ock n rockery b4 coming back to my hse.. Like wat I said, my hse not any gers can come de.. only gers of official status can come my hse.. Hmm that's another factor which i'm looking out for my gf.. In my eyes, a decent ger, won't anyhow let any guy frds, be it close or not into the hse alone.. The society nowadays, speaking abt a guy just come to a hse, its really hard to believe ntg happen.. I'm a very traditional person n a person who thinks a lot.. Hence I'm best if my gf thinks like me. Anyway when u truly love a person, think won;t do any foolish things like inviting a guy frd to ur hse, despite knowing that ur bf is the think-a-lot kind, and will feel very unhappy n put him/her into such insecured position.. well there's many things speaking abt special privileges btw guys frds & bf/husband ba..else if such a thing oso can, there's ntg special abt this particular person.. Tat's y, even if I have any probs, i'll only consult frds of the same sex.. Sigh that;s y until now, I have so little female frds.. Shld get to noe more female frds... Hmm at the same time, i'm oso so shy.. Anyway of cuz I have such family members at hm, I have to consult my frds.. something bad happened when I rtn hm shortly wif ben.. Yup somebody kaykiang, go n off the com which I leave it on when I left the hse a short while... Wa..now I have to waste time waiting for the com to load again.. Luckily the 2nd load, wasn't as long as the 1st time.. So managed to check the processor my com is currently having.. Ben says its too slow n old model le.. Hmm so I was given 2 options.. 1 was to buy ard 200 – 250 for the mother board, n other stuffs to solve the problem, but the lifespan is only 1-2yrs.. Or spend 550 on new processor n get everything chg.. Both will leave my com wif 0 memories.. Meaning to say, all my things inside the com, will be erased.. Oh no.. Tat's bad.. how? I really dunno.. How I wish I got enough cash for all these things.. Like tat I can just straight away buy a new com n laptop even better.. already had hard times saving up 4 the studies.. now such things happened again.. Anyway I shall take some time to consider abt it n oso endure with this problem for the time being ba.. main thing I think is impt now, is to buy an external hard disk, so I can transfer all my stuffs into it.. Hmm but how much does it cost? Hopefully its not so costly.... Mtg Wil at SP After doing all the things, we set off to SP to mit Wil.. I nid to find my mum 1st to rtn her 200 bucks for the sch fees she helped to pay.. cuz my pay comes le.. Hmm will be rtning her by installments..sigh.. I wish such difficult times will be over soon.. Endure now, enjoy life in future. So I must stay positive no matter what..So after that we mit wil n buy the tickets to watch at 5.05pm.. Well since we got 15 more mins, we play cards a short while at foodcourt. Movie at SP – My Mighty Princes well the movie was a bit disappointing.. the movie was a bit draggy.. Can' t be compared to the korea movie “sex is zero 2” which was super funny. This 1, the funny part is quite little bit, but lame as well.. They try to make it funny, but its more lame than funny ba.. but some how I think its action n touching movie.. instead of comedy.. Not gonna explain the story, cuz I noe i'll be talking a lot again.. so I just say whether movie nice or not.. Dinner at KFC Well after movie, wil went to draw cash at POSB.. Well while queuing there, we all saw a ger in blue dress.. wa..super translucent n quite short.. then we all were teasing each other, n I look at ben looking at the dress I feel like laughing.. cuz his facial expression looks so serious.. Then after that we headed to kfc, queue was super long.. Wil wants to eat kfc.. n got coupon. So we decided to eat too. Then we found out that the ger oso eat KFC.. Wa wil stalker la.. Some more the ger is ard wil's age I think.. The ger is actually wif her bf this time.. This ger ah.. the way she sit n get up from her sit, was just like some1 I noe.. I still rmb I tell her off, n be mindful that she's wearing a dress.. Since wearing dress, must get up of the sit gently la.. else ppl can see the underwear.. Ok enough of the teasing part.. Card games at Mac So after a tasty meal, we went to mac to cont our card games.. Wa.. at 1st I was winning at the taidi part lo..end up playing the “Ah Cha” game, I lose a lot..but luckily after the entire game which ends at 11pm, cuz wil got sch tml n ben n 1 got work.. ben becomes the biggest loser.. I only won 6 bucks? Wil won ard 20?Well go hm wash up, tidy my sch notes cuz its thursday tml, so have to go sch after work again.. sian lo.. Nvm! Think go there c pretty gers n learn new things can le haha.. bubbles of sadness. |