____________['[*Moments Sharing*]']___________

(30/09/08) Tuesday

Work & Sch.

Its the final month of Sept. The next day will be Oct.Moreover, its a public holiday. That's gd esp I can take a short break over the whole week of working. This week won't have to feel so stressful at work, counting for weekeds to come. Hmm of cuz the best thing in life, is wake up every morning, knowing that u dun have to work, yet enjoy life only. However, its a pity that there's no such job where u get paid for enjoying ur life.. haha..

Hmm i'm beginning to stray abit in sch again.. however, nope. I'm still as disciplined towards gg to sch. Well at 1st I got such bad idea of not attend just for tonite since tml's a holi.. however, guilty conscience, I forced myself hard.. No other temptations can pull me away gg to sch.. think of the pretty gers u can c when u reach sch? Haha.. dun accuse me of being a flirt, cuz I didn;t do anything ma.. only thinking only n besides i'm single. No1 is restricting me to think of other gers rite?

This is a prob wif me.. Once i'm committed into a r/s, I tend to hold myself responsible for many things.. Dun have my gf to tell me what to do, my mind will automatically spare a tot 4 her feelings n think for her place.. Imagine, how she'll feel, when i'm having so many gers ard my life? She'll definitely feel insecure,even though I have nv done anything to broke her trust.. she can says she trust me, but I noe deep inside her heart, she'll still be worried.. I wan her to feel totally secured,out of all such feelings n worries being lowered to the lowest point, hence this is wat i'll do 4 her..

Its a pretty big sacrificial haha.. well cuz when my gf dumped me, i'm left alone. Not much gers ard me, nv socialise wif anybody.. Only point of contact of the opposite sex is mostly n solely on my gf. Pretty painful hor? Imagine, my whole world is gone, when my gf left me. Back to the topic, the worst scenario is when ur gf broke ur trust, its not those kind of simple or white lies.. Its something big..something not allowed to happen in a r/s.. Its really very hard to feel at ease n forcing myself to trust her again, wifout any hard efforts on her part.. Hence prevention is really better than cure.

Once bitten twice shy, if none sacrificial were to be made to strength a broken or weak r/s, its really hard to go back to normal again.. Sometimes, its either here, or nowhere.. Yup its really very hard to find the perfect ger in this world, but to find the best ger, this is 1 of the aspect which I hope she can be like me.Hmm wat r the form of gers whom she can keep me real safe by her side? Of cuz she can be as responsible like me in terms of handling a r/s.

Well she dun have to be the best, just loyal, faithful n really love me wholeheartedly, I belong only to her, she belong only to me..Most impt, i'm the top most impt person, the 1st person in her heart, casting away her own pride, own self-centered heart..but its not easy to find though.. Well in love, i'm willing to cast my everything aside, for the ger who can do the same for me..Not people who love themselves more, saving rms for own pride n egoness.. Cuz pride n egoness, usually lose the whole r/s..

If the r/s make me feel really so protected, so loved, so warm hearted,it will makes me go all out, losing my pride n egoness, to really cherish n safekeep the r/s.. This is the kind of r/s I would wanna hold on to 4 the rest of my life..I have always been daydreaming at times, some scenario.. Well guys dun show such kind of weaker side to the public, but only to the woman he love.. I dunno other guys, but 4 me, i'm such a category..

I day dream n pic myself, cuddling into my wife's arms while we are slping in bed.. such an act can only do in the private.. imagine wat other ppl feels when they see a man lying their head on the ger's shoulder.. Hmm its a social phenoneum that ppl will feel out of place as its usual for a lady to rest on her cpl's shoulder n not the other way rd. man r visualised as a stronger side than a gentle female.. So only such weaker side of me, will be exposed to my loved ones..

How nice n swit I can feel, sneaking in like a rat when she's slping. Into the blanket n popping my head into her arms..resting my head on her chest, like a child.. Ahems.. Can't reveal so much la.. This blog might be read by many other ppl, but my lengthy post, makes its harder to read.. shall keep the rest of the things to myself.. Ok anyway I drift so far le, so i'm saying I went to sch eventually.. though the crowded bus n the heavy rain after sch, makes me regretted coming...

Lan Shop

well I reward myself to lan shop, mtg my frds there after sch.. I could have stayed at lan shop n skip classes, but at the end of the day, I learnt ntg gd for my exams nxt yr, but wasted $ on the lan shop.. Well I reached there but was sad that I couldn't get the fav com which I always took.. luckily the sound still barely gd..The rest were playing dota, but i'm sick of it.. its like wasting time esp when a game was so draggy.. I went back to audi to play again..

Well love my fav char JlNG, cuz the A cash items I bought on him was so charming haha.. Anyway i'm so interested by the new club dance 2 mode.. Hmm the animation was really so funny.. so I spend time playing there.. Well of cuz some bad things happened in there too.. I saw her playing wif her cpl.. I really feel so extremely disgusted.. hmm seriously I have been wondering, if other ppl can do so, y can;t I be stronger n be like them?

Well of cuz that entire nite, she was playing wif her cpl.. if her cpl not there, think she'll find me like tat nite ba. Of cuz la, i'm always a sub ma. Used to it le. Cpl not there, then come n find me. Got cpl there, i'm just a blank. Well ppl r so practical n I dun belong to such a class. Hmm then 1 time I was inside a rm, which was short of a ger, n she happened to enter cuz I think she's finding rm to play wif her cpl ba.. Wa I c this, I super sian lo.. I just go look at ding playing his game..

well she left after not being able to find a space for her cpl.. hmm its not the 1st time anyway. Aiya even if the sky falls down, she's ntg de la. Cuz in her world, its only herself, its only abt her in the center of the stage. The rest of the ppl's feelings is of no concern to her.. This is the kind of attitude I learnt abt her. Just move on. Tat nite I dunno y I felt so disgusted.. I really wanna break off the cpl.. If she can do so, y can't I? Really feel so tempted n taunted to click the break cpl thingy. Anyway cyber game is just a hoax, tog or not, is all lies..

So break jiu break lo. I see how long I can endure till my heart is firm n strong to hit the button. So I chg my nick n she quit audi wif her cpl after playing. Nel n company were grumbling that I nv complany them, so just nice , they finish the dota, so I company them play a game, randomed a hero which i'm gd at using, but wasted lots of time playing that game, where the whole game was like farming? ... After that game, I went back to play audi till they finish another game of dota n we headed back to sem..

Well wil was grumbling of hungry so company him to eat breakfast at mac b4 heading hm...

bubbles of sadness.