____________['[*Moments Sharing*]']___________

(10/11/08) Monday
Here I'm back..pouring my hearts out again.I'm really out of love le..(Shi1 Lian4). There's no more turning back, this time rd le, I guess so ba.. Well Mon I was so weak, the changing weather condition was so tough that it has weaken my body.. I'm sick terribly.. Forced myself to work cuz Mon was always the bz time for me.. Finally after work, I dragged myself back to sem, where I bought OCK 4 dinner to eat alone, as usual..
Since tml gonna take mc le, anyhow eat... Went to arcade to play alone.. Even asked Dingjie out to company me go lan shop.. while waiting 4 him,Awie came, so thank gdness, I got some1 to company me play kof wif..Wow..am I really too sick or my skills deproved le? I lost to him for quite a number of rds in random match..Well some1 suddenly sms me asking me abt the clinic's number.. Well of cuz I was being contacted probably due to this blog ba..ntg else.. I dun wish to think abt it anymore, abt thinking abt it 4 a very long time..
Since some1 has already moved on, i've decided to move on as well.. Finally ding come, n off we went to lan shop.. I went ahead to complete my story..was playing n playing beat up 6k, but its too hard to pass the requirement..200 combo, 200k score for 5 rds.. Then some1 came in to the audi n asked me to play tog.. hmm so end up I went to play wif her of cuz.. I blame myself 4 being soft hearted each time tat some1 talked to me..I shld have reminded myself, how heartless this some1 was, when the times she completely throw me aside all the time..
Finding me only when the mood comes.. Wan find jiu find, dun wan find, jiu completely disappear wifout a trace.. since she can do so, y can't I? I hate my weaknesses..I dun wish to be taken advantage of by others all the time..I shld have harden my heart as well, since she can do so, y can't I? Treating ppl like rubbish..Dun wish to say le..I hate entertaining insincere ppl.. Anyway ard 12am plus, me n ding went off le..

(11/11/08) Tuesday
I wake up early to c a doc.. She sms me to wake me up.. Again the same old thing.. Think liao really mad.. Shuang treat me nice a bit, bu shuang everything's gone. She expects others to treat her nice all the time, wifout fail but she herself, nv even do things to mit her own expectations, yet demand so much from others.. This kind of treating ppl according to own mood, of cuz is not consistent n still expect others to recognise then when the bad times offset the gd tat she has did..
Speaking it all out, makes me feel better..I have enough of these sufferings le..I won't 4get all those heartless things u done to me.. I will rmb them by hard n it aids me moving on fast.. How many times have u turn ur back against me? Fortune teller oso say le.. This r/s won't last.
Yea its true.. I shldn't let such r/s affects my life, affects my studies n other things..I deserve a better gf..enough of these nonsense le.. Anyway after doc, I went to try the kfc breakfast.. Hmm not bad I must say, but seems quite ex to me.. After which, I went to chambers to find will..I continue play my story but was happy to cross it.. btw due to my illness, I 4get which is which le.. I have passed my licence in at 1 try, n i'm Main le..My audi char has reached lvl 31..
Then I went to buy a mac spicy burger to it.. sad, as I was intending to watch bleach, I dropped my burger accidentally on the floor.. I tried cleaning up the place n I actually ate the bread.. of cuz I tried cleaning off the dirt as well.. Not really very dirty, but I think its not a wise decision..my stomach feels weird after eating tat mc spicy down my stomach.. Then ard 3pm +, quit lan, n company wil to eat his lunch..
After which play an hr of card game wif him n I lost another 20 bucks to him.. now lose him 45 le.. Sian..partly its oso becuz i'm slply due to the medicine.. Mind wasn;t working well though.. of cuz those exchg in sms were really in vain.. I have been trying to initiate sms, but since the reciprocation wasn't enthu, I noe the interest is no longer there le.. Some1 was just trying to lead me on again.. thanks to tat asking 4 clinic no sms, which makes me soften again..
To think that I was thinking of whether i'm able to mit her again, but apparently nope. I have done my part le.. I reach hm n even took a nap. I tried calling her but she didn;t even bother to ans.. I called her hse, her ppl at hm told me she's not at hm.. So where else can she be? Obviously outside wif ppl lo.. If its her frds, think she will ans or reply me, despite me smsing her n calling her so many times..(cuz wed she even told me where she was n tells me she went to watch coffin wif joey, but this nite,completely no news) i'm not stupid.. obviously, she's seeing some1 le..
Leo are like tat de ba.. Looking at wil, I oso no le.. After breaking up, the other half can change partner as though chg clothes like tat.. Yet the egoness n pride does not allow them to let ppl say their nasty sides.. Other ppl do the same, means the person is completely wrong, ownself do, they dun fault themselves at all, n still fault others tat its others fault that lets them chg partners etc.. There'll nv be once where they'll admit their own mistakes..
Anyway its not the 1st time this person do this behind my back. Even if tat time we were tog, such incidents oso do happened.. Its not the 1st time anyway le.. She can move on, I shall not stick myself to this piece of junk r/s anymore.. its worthless n so invaluable le.. I shall oso move on to find my own happiness.. find a ger who's worth my love instead.. Anyway 4 the rest of the nite, I stayed at hm, watch animes, bleach n nodame, then reitre 4 bed..

(12/11/08) Wednesday
2nd day of my mc, suppose to rush to army in the morning, end up overslp.. I wake up at 1pm.. rush everything I reach army at 2pm.. It was a wasted trip I would call it.. freaking army, freaking medical officer etc.. They were obviously out to play a fool out of me.. This MO claims that the system now doesn't allow them to gif excuse ICT, hence I have to go to my own camp to seek for deferrment, wifout black & white..
Ok I went there, obviously i'm not allowed to defer my ICT, cuz there's no proof.. Hence, I was told to report to ICT on the 1st day, then request 4 deferrment again... If my commander allows me to do so, I can defer, else i've to stay thruout the reservist 4 2 weeks.. Recently wat's wrong in my life??Everything seems not smooth at all..now I'm having trouble in r/s, at work, army, army affecting work, army affecting studies, my studies affected, I failed my exams last yr, my health was down, my frds all dunno wat happen, giving me probs, everything seems so down..
if i'm suffering from super depression, I think I really abt to hav the symptoms le.. How? I read abt an article lately.. Ppl suffering from depression have the tot of ending their own life.. There's really time I really feel like ending it fast.. how? I must quickly seek cure, to prevent me from thinking abt such things.. else really gonna do foolish things le..I'm already so low le, yet this some1 still kips driving me like mad.. pick me up n drop me again n again.. hate ppl leading ppl on..
I've found my new name on the dictionary le.. Think i'm so unpopular, really is becuz of my name ba.. the proper hanyu pinyin for my new name is qi3 xuan1.. Its written in old chi char, no wonder can;t find in the dictionary.. Since I noe le, I must begin preparation to chg n activate my new name.. In time to come, the old Hong yilun will disappear n a new born Hong Qixuan will show up.. Hmm but its seems so china hor? How? I scare I chg my name le I regret cuz it sounds weird actually...
Well so now, everything's not prepared.. I have even prepare the things for army, n I dun even have time to go to E-mart (army shop) to buy the necessary stuffs, esp the tiger batch to be sewn to my uniform.. sian lo.. work place I haven;t even inform them abt the reservist.. besides wat abt my studies? I paid for my sch fees..Only lucky thing was.. an elderly lady there, pass me the tiger batch for me to bring hm..
Feeling so lost, the only person I managed to contact was wil.. Once again, he company me during my down times again.. of cuz, I have to go all the way to sem to wait 4 him.. I bought some OCK food to eat n even buy drink at rockery..begin play some arcade.. played mj, oso lose.. played kof 98, the machine spoil, n the guy repaired 4 me, but dun refund me credits.. wil came, we headed down to play snooker..
I enjoyed myself a lot, felt relieved.. win him in the snooker by 7, though I paid extra 1 4 the table $..After which, went to mos to hav our dinner.. Well Ser went to catch movie wif joey.. I have already take the initiative le.. I went to the bus station to sent her off far from her sight.. but since she made no move, I leave the place wif wil after the bus arrive.. Yes I have decided to move on le..

bubbles of sadness.