____________['[*Moments Sharing*]']___________

148th Day Without Serene

1st of all, my 1st paper has finished. Its really tough though. Hopefully i can pass this time. My other paper is coming on the 26th May. Hmm what other news should i update? Well received an sms i have waited for a very long time. I submitted the application mths ago at suntec career fair..Finally,it came with an sms that they'll be contacting shortly for the interview.. Dunno shld be happy or not.

I dunno have to wait how long, b4 they finally call me up. Some more my hp is having lots of probs that i'm afraid that i will miss any impt calls. Besides, its just an interview. Whether i really get in or not, its not cfm yet. Furthermore, wat if i managed to succeed, yet the job wasn't really happy, for eg, there's gg to be a training period, which will last for sometime. What if i dun get paid during training?Just hope everything goes smoothly, unlike somebody, who calls herself to be a frd of mine, yet cursing me that more bad things will happen.

I'm being kind enough not to curse her, despite of her treatment towards me, and there it goes, coming such remarks from her frds. As for my comments about a blog which i read, i only have a few things to say. I dun care abt what others speak abt me, b4 they speak, thing abt their ownself 1st. Ppl from outside the pic, only hearing her side of the story, keep listening to it and start saying bad remarks abt me, for i'm already used to it. THis period of time wif her tog, i noe what she's like.

Only rmbs the things she has done gd for others, but will not say or admit their own wrongdoings. Yes all the things she had did for me was there, i nv 4get. Stop saying that i kip saying bad abt her. Besides, if a person has not done anything wrong, dun have to fear what ppl said. Those who only hear 1 side of the story, which is so incomplete, just say whatever u like. when a person dislike some1, the tendency of prejudice is there. On top of listening to the only gd things she has done for me, and the bad things i hav did to her, no doubt there's gonna be siding towards on side.

I bet she doesn't even said all the bad things she has did to hurt me, cuz she nv admits it at all, yet thinking that i hurt her pride. Neither did she even really noes abt my sacrifices. Only thinks that she's the only 1 sacrificing. Why not u guys just said, i brought myself all this probs as being the 3rd party, who destroys ppl's bread in the 1st place? In tat case, y not say, got bread already, dun come out fish for other things?

THis is my blog, there are many things which i didn't even blog them down. Yes, no doubt i complain so much abt her, but what's love? Person like u thinks u noe it very well? Y do urself have an internal struggle and still thinks abt a married guy whom u like, even though u have a bread already? What's a guy mean to u? If u really love a guy, u dun treat him this way.

B4 u said anything, have to really tot of what u will do, if u were in my shoes? I asked her tat qn b4 several times. If she's me, she would have already given me up n left me long ago. What abt u? Yeah so i'm a fool, instead of leaving for gd, despite her coming to patch so many times, instead of me initiating the patch,i let myself drag on n knowing that this is the ending, is not enough, yet i still have to carry the black name of so many superficial bad things which i have done, but yet nobody noes n understand the real situation, yet just verbally say such remarks.

Dun keep saying abt u guys telling her so many times..My really close frds does that too. The 1st time she told a very big lie, hurting me a great deal, is the last day when she fly off to met her bread overseas. I organised a chalet, thinking that is tat bread coming back, ended up is she went there to find him. How much shock n hurt i suffered? I couldn't slp tat nite, i cried badly at nite, n my close frd caught me crying secretly on the 1st floor..

THere's a diff btw voluntary 3rd party n involuntary kind. u think i purposely wan to break them up? The feelings was developed out of chemistry, n at times i really wondered she's toying my feelings or not. Treating me as a substitute or just a company when her bread is away. So now tat the bread has come back, i'm just shaken over just like that. I things which i suffered was really so great that i was so paranoid.

U think i like to be this way? There's so many qns of if u were me, who have been through this, how will u react if u were me? I'm really so insecure wif all these incidents. Let alone the bread that she's wif now. When she was wif me, i caught her having contacts wif this bread, behind my back as well. Once bitten twice shy. I warned her abt this guy. I already noe that this guy is doing something.

I tell her tat if u are really serious abt this r/s, she has to do something abt it, instead of letting this happen. All she said was ppl wan to contact me, wat can i do? i cannot stop. If i can do it for her, y couldn't she? y didn't i have such probs, yet she always have it. There 1 more guy, her close frd, SW. From my guy's instinct, i already noe that he's chasing after her. Our r/s was still not stable after such bad ordeal of breaking n patching cuz of the 1st bread.

Our formal status wasn't even fixed yet. I already warn her abt this close frd, n yet she still said that there's nothing wrong. Only until the end, then only she agrees wif me tat SW likes her n is chasing after her. i'm doing my part as a bf, while carrying such shadows of the past, the burden is so much, yet i'm trying my best for this r/s.

its not like we were of equal footing where its neutral to neutral. What kind of things have i forgave her? I couldn't said it here as its really very private btw the 2 of us. But for the way i describe, its really very serious that most couples if having such things, most likely will not be tog again. Even if tog, there'll be some phobia, which obviously will this surface. Esp when after tat phobia, she's still not doing anything abt it, where it comes SW, follow by this new bread.

And all she said was, where was i when she needed me? Then where was her everytime when i needed her badly? Overseas wif his 1st bread, leaving me finding out that she told me the biggest lie on the very last day tog.. I'm always leaving in the past. Yeah rite..Look at ur own blog.Dun nid u to say, i also noe. I told her many times. I'm not a superhero, i'm a human wif feelings. I need time to gain faith in her again. r/s is 2 person, not only 1 sided. Chinese sayings, the person who tie the knots, noes how to untie it. I can't untie it myself wif her always doing the same kind of thing. Its a knot of the 1st bread on our r/s. She didn't untie it, but just kips doing the same kind of knot several times, until the 2nd bread.

Old knots weren't untie, new same kind of knot keeps coming in. I already knew such thing will happen. Yea of cuz got bread is gd, better than be wif a pauper like me.Now ppl dun sees small little effort, like bringing so many things, eg an umbrella out, during a date. I could be like other guys, bringing nothing, except wallet n handphone. Yet instead, i bring so many things out, umbrella, jacket, etc..Ppl like u, will just ask me like tat time, y u bring so many things 4? Without thinking the reason behind it. Of cuz, if i have $, raining just buy 1, cold just buy a jacket lo. Everybody has there own views, yet there's not rite or wrong. There'll be 1 who seeks for other top priorities other than bread. You guys want to side, just side ba. I'm already used to listen to these bad remarks from her frds ard her.

Gd things done for a person, wasn't meant to say it out, but shld be kept in the heart of the receiver. its a vice-versa way. She wan to let u all noe how gd she has treated me, and keeps telling u all how bad i have mistreated her, then by all means. For there's always a reason behind, on how n why this incident or situation took place. If i'm truly wrong, i really sincerely apologized to her at that point of time, n makes it a point, not to do it again. yet she keeps repeatedly doing the same kind of things, resemble the past.

The gd things she done for me, i keep them all well in my heart and nv 4get.. However, i can nv 4get those terrible things that she has did to me either..If its u, will u be able to 4give ur bread? Most likely from your view, u will not 4give ba. But it all depends.. Then what abt the other way rd? What if ur bread finds out that u did such a thing, will he be able to 4give u? In ur view, most likely u think that he'll be able to 4give. Everything is just assumption, but i did experienced it b4, n really the feeling was so unbearable n painful.. Anyway, u might not understand wat i said, cuz what she has did, is a secret which i promised myself not to say it out...

Anyway its pointless to say anything.. I'm contented wif what i have now. I dun have any regrets.. At the very least, i have captured the most beautiful sight of her, in my very own eyes. A pic which i loved most, on top of other favourites..

This picture was taken at Suntec fountain. Even if i accidentally lost the other pics, this is the pic i would love to keep the most..

Anyway, dun have to specially create n account just to comment me. Save all ur troubles. This is my blog, i'm free to say my heart out. My heart is too much to bear, i just need a room to let things out. U want to say what, just say.I treat it wif a smile =) Cuz ppl dun really noe the real me, just say whatever they 1. For i noe there'll be close 1s who'll understand the real me.

bubbles of sadness.