____________['[*Moments Sharing*]']___________

151th Day Without Serene

Wow time passes by so quickly. Still got few more days and the exams coming soon. Really need some time to concentrate n my exams n not be affected by so many unecessary things. It has always been an interrupted slp by my baby nephew n niece. Sometimes deep in the nite a few times, n always earlier in the morning. Proper rest is really so impt. That its really hard to stay focus thru out the rest of the day.

As usual, on the days my mum brings my niece to sch, and i'm not gg out in the morning to work, i will have to force myself up when my baby nephew wakes up from his slp, in fact all the time. Those complains is 1 thing, but of cuz they r still so cute in my eyes!At the very least, they brighten up my days when they r behaving.My family says baby nephew looks just like me when i was a baby too.

Cuz my big sister looks like me n my father. The rest of the family looks like my mum.So babysitting has become a small task for me at hm, since i'm not working full time n always at hm in the day. anyway babies like my nephew, is easier to look after, what i meant is, during the daytime haha. everything always has gd n bad. So its the same for babies. There are times he's behaving well, times he's not.

Anyway its worth the exp. My sisters are fortunate as my mum is still around to take care of the baby n guide them what she noes on handling the baby. Hence at such time, its better to learn some from her, b4 i dun get a chance to learnt from her in future.. Well life is really unpredictable, hence some things are worth learning b4 there's no chance to learn in future. Its always to be prepare at the very least.

Well i told mum abt the incident last nite, as usual, she guess the 4D numbers.. Of cuz in rtn, i got reprimanded for the carelessness. She said that in the afternoon while fetching niece from sch, she warned niece to be careful wif the key. Ended up, its me who dropped it. So she guess drop is 6. my blk 325. So decided to buy 6325. Y i wanna post this down was, i bought it as suggested, n last nite (cuz already reached 0043am now) the 1st prize came out 6425. What a waste..

Hmm leg seems to get bad again after i have stopped gg to marsiling for treatment. Its really like conning money lo. Went there for not longer than half an hr, the guy was like talking abt other things wif other ppl, n not answering my concerns abt my injuries.. The way he rub, i looked at it was like, even i also can do.. (i went there for several times, other than the 1st few times, wat he does was same n simple).

Furthermore, he's always rubbing on the same spot, where i told him other areas are painful as well.. That's the reason y i stop gg there for appt n rub by myself at times only (it got worsen) as i dun have so much money to waste on such treatment. Its a though he's purposely not gg to fully treat my leg, but doing it slowly n slowly, making me go so many times.. Times are bad.. but tat's not the way to do business ba..

But life is always so contradictory, the 1st time i went, its really seems a miracle already. i rmb i couldn't even stand as the foot has dislocated its position, n kit have to come my hse downstair to support me there. Wif two big pull n push, tog wif some rubbing at the start, i'm able to stand but have to walk wif a crutch.THere's also foot reflexology services there like wan yang. No wonder the place have the equipment like a massage shop.

I only noe it on 1 of the trip for treatment, when i saw an angmoh, soaking leg wif me there. i tot he had an injury like me, but ended up, he told me he signed up a package for foot massage. Never expect he also have the sinus prob like me, that's y he signed up this package. He's teaching in a very young children sch in singapore. Well another phenomena i found out, ppl tend to like the opposite when they are from diff back ground.

He prefers our weather conditions here, while i would love to exp their 4 seasons. The beautiful spring, hate summer, the fall of the autumn, and the snow in the winter. He says its too cold to live there for so days, not to say mths..that's y his family came over to sg to live n go back for holidays,during summer vacation.Yup ppl will nv noe how it feels unless u experience the actual feelings in yourself. Hence the same things goes for life. Ppl who nv experienced the conditions n feelings i felt, will nv understand what are the things i have gone thru. Its really tough.

In this world, there's so many types of masks ard..I wish i have the ability to see thru all these masks..

4get the most impt thing. I have been waiting for MBS to contact me to let me noe when is the interiew..Its been several days.. Yet i still have not receive any signs from them.. THis afternoon when i headed out to study, i received an unknown number..I excitedly picked up the phone, ended up, its a wrong number.. Feels so shitty lo. of all times. This is just simliarly, the kind of feelings when u look forward to answer the call from ur loved ones.

And each time there's a ring on your phone, u picked up, but disappointed its the wrong person. Then as u waited n waited, disappointment comes in n getting more n more anxious.. Until the very last moment, its utter disappointment, anxious n all sorts of feelings came rushing in. Of cuz, not to forget the original feeling that's still inside. Though very happy, but its filled wif so many other feelings. Hence, the receiver will hear a diff kind of tone, which is often not the intended tone at the beginning, hence couples out there, do be thoughtful towards your loved ones, esp true love out there, u nv noe ur loved ones will be waiting for ur news all day n nite. Dun let them always wait.

Prolong such kind of wait is gonna strain things up.It doesn't hurt to be a little more thoughtful. Well as i speak, things flows into my mind, n probably that's y, ppl thinks i'm always badmouthing ppl, but hey man, i'm speaking from my experience though. So i tend to speak n speak, after pouring things out i felt better, n at the same time, i can be careful in my future r/s, not to find a ger like this.

Well trust is really so impt in a r/s, once really broken its really destroy all the balance in the r/s.. Hence acts of protecting the fragile trust btw each other is very impt, to cherish a fragile r/s. (r/s are like a fragile white paper, which needs the 2 ppl in the r/s to support the balance of the white paper.Contents like trust n other things are the key factor from both sides to maintain the white paper clean. Either side shld not be tarnished black by other external factors.When both party put effort in the r/s, even a fragile piece of white paper, will be so strong and not easily prone to stain n torn)

Well of cuz, though trust are broken, its still able to salvage, but the process is hard. Ppl wif patience, perserverance and determination will be able to do tat.. Time will slowly heal the wounds away. of cuz the content of true love has to be there. otherwise, there's nothing left to talk abt in the 1st place. Jabbling on, this has so many things to talk abt, but i'm only emphasising on a part of the factor in a r/s, which is trust.

Well, its a pity my previous r/s starts in a very distorted manner. Hence ppl who understands me well, understand from where i come from, will be able to understand the reasons for i'm behaving this manner, according to the topic on receiving news from ur loved 1. I'm into a state of paranoid, a totally diff person, and i have the experienced of waiting for very long for news.

Well initially tried hard to think that its due to busy at work,but as time goes by, getting more paranoid, n the earlier excitness is mixed wif anxious n many other -ve feelings. Well this partly is due to the -ve past during the times where i noe that shes smsing wif the other, while smsing wif me. Well moving on from the very past to the recent past, Its the same incident again. Nothing's changed, i'm still waiting, and ended up i found out the smsing behind my back, the trust is broken again.

Well ppl who dun understand my point of view, will definitely disagree etc, etc.So be it, as i dun need their understand. What i'm just saying is trust is 1 of the most impt thing in a r/s. not breaking the trust is 1 of the ways to cherish a r/s. Of cuz there's many other ways.Hence its my fault in the r/s, that i'm not able to perform at my peak, to fulfill her expectations, as i believed in passing the ball of happiness around, sharing the love n warmth tog is impt to keep a r/s gg n not sinking deeper. R/s is 2 sided, i can't be the 1 to always pass the happy ball to her, n received it, n not circulate the happy ball back to me, to form a cycle, for more happy balls to circulate in the r/s.still expect to receive happy ball again? Ok squeeze another 1 from the heart n give.

THis prolong of happy ball given,didn't pass back, will have no more input ingredients to produce anymore happy balls. what's left is the sad ball, so the sad balls become circulated ard inevitably, which eventually.the ger receives the 1st sad ball,not happy, no happy ball comes back, yet the sad ball is passed back immediately(of cuz at times got happy ball la rtn la, but its not enough to circulate back as not to 4get, those hurts n pains from the past are referred to as many sad balls passed to me. At that time, those happy ball i pass to her, dunno go where le. THink wif her n the 1st bread, n their happy ball goes, becomes sad ball in rtn. I received great deal of sad ball, despite lots of happy ball at tat time) n in time crumbles the whole r/s. Happy ball n sad ball is just an illustration for a theory ba.

Ppl who noes me well, sure will have heard this from me b4. I speak the same anyway. Not as if i need to wear a mask n fabricate things.. Anyway its time to retire again.

bubbles of sadness.