____________['[*Moments Sharing*]']___________

My Thoughts on a comment I read.

Well did I go around broadcasting I’m Mr Nice? Sounds funny. Anyway nobody judge himself or herself. Besides the point, I didn’t say anything that I’m so nice, like I treat her how good and how good etc. Like I said, good things done for a person, dun have to put in the mouth and keep saying and saying.

Well that’s what I am trying to infer too. Dunno the full picture, still dare to write abt this past r/s wif her. She can say herself to be unlucky, I am the same ma. In her shoes, she’s unlucky, then in my shoes I’m unlucky lo. Met a bad 1. Funniest? Well from para 1, both are equally funny joke ba. I didn’t say I’m gd, she didn’t say she’s gd. Neither did I say she’s bad ah. The word bad got come out meh?

Well nobody is perfect, and I didn’t claim that I’m Mr nice. Haha I bet even a Mr nice will make mistakes as well. In relationships wif ppl, not only Bf and gf, ppl do make mistakes. I’m not a saint, I make mistakes when I’m wif her too. But I admit it and sincerely apologise for it. I also mentioned to her, I’m not who I am anymore wif her, after so much incidents had happened. I wanted to be the real me again. But its not a 1 sided effort to do it. I need her support as well, stop me from being so paranoid n help me moved away from the past.

How am I suppose to gain the trust again, when times after times, she broke it? The worst thing was, This person even got the cheek to comment about my 1st r/s. no doubt my 2 failure r/s, it doesn’t solely blame that the failure r/s lies in me alone that results in the break up. Then in that case, y dun u say urself that u r the 1 who’s at fault as well in ur past failure r/s? In a r/s, there’s 2 ppl. Failure r/s, doesn’t lies on a party alone. It could be same, more to the other side or vice versa.

She has admitted her mistake? To my knowledge, she has never admit that she has done anything wrong towards me. Here’s something to ponder upon. If Girl A were to did lots of terrible things that hurt Guy A in the past, being together now but the hurt was not ordinary that Guy A is not in a rite state of condition. (wounds n haunts of the past). If Girl A were to really admit her mistakes, she will really make up for wat she failed to gif Guy A in the past? Or Girl A just repeats the same kind of hurt n adds on to the wound?

I dun wish to say anything bad abt what happened in the past when she’s still wif her bread. But I was really hurt a great deal. This is a fact. All I wanted was,( since she said until so wei da that she gave up her bread for me),is nothing much. Just fill up the hole n wounds wif the things she failed to gimme in the past. Gain back my trust, a wholehearted love, instead of a seemed lying love towards me, etc.. Those make up of the past is enough.. But not those repeated things dealing wif guys which adds on to it..

As for the break up thing, dunno the full pic, dun have to say rubbish. On the last day, 26th dec 2008. We met up to exchg present. My feelings for her is you4 Ai4 you4 Hen4. Love her is true, but hate her y is she like this, y throughout our days tog, she’s always treating me like tis? (that’s y a person who’s having such kind of love n hate feeling, will say miss her so much, yet will complain here and there. I just need a room to pour things out, which aids me to move on slowly, is that wrong? And is this your business in the 1st place?)

I formally declared my break up wif her, when I found out that she accepted that guy on some dates ard start of 2009. That’s b4 I asked her for help. You dun even noe what happened on 26th Dec, so dun just simply said anything abt breaking up. I formally break up wif her when I noe abt this. Ppl who dunno such things, I’m not surprised that she’ll write such things as I gained something.

What do I gain? Yeah let me tell u what I really gain. A terribly broken heart, and setbacks, which I dunno when I can fully recover. I hate such feelings n it has been so ongoing. This r/s was so hard to move on. It is so hard for her when she has so many ppl to love her at the same time? What I was referring is the past when she has that bread n me. Of cuz its also terrible for her, but at the very least, she has concern. So who’s worse off? Though the best is 1 person is to 1 person, not 1 person is to 2 or more etc…

What else I gain? A changed man, who couldn’t focus well on his things. Performed badly at work, in school. Failed a yr due to not attending classes, wasted a yr of time n huge sum of Money. (am I blaming her? Oh this I can only blame myself. Who ask me to slap myself hard, entering such r/s? Got me into so many emotions upset? That I lost my true self? I really fall completely in love wif her. But I dun regret that…but only regret myself for entering such r/s helplessly. As for how we end up tog, stop claiming that I deliberately enter the r/s n spoil everything, tat’s y I deserved those treatment from her in the past. I’m a human being, I didn’t speak ill of her 1st bread, I did not do anything like backstabbing etc. He wroted a letter saying how bad I was,how gd he was, which hurt me a great deal. If I purposely enter the r/s as a 3rd party, I won’t blame her for treating me this way, but I dun. I dun deserve such a treatment from her, I’m a human being, not a toy.)

Hence quit thinking that I gained anything from it. No amt of money can make up for the emotional damage made. Think so lowly of me? I’m poor now, but that doesn’t me I’m supposed to be looked down upon n listen to ur kind of comments. I’m poor now, doesn’t mean its 4ever. Besides, how many times did such kind of help occur? During times when we were tog, I’m really broke wif studys expenses to save up.

She wan to go here n eat, do this do tat, buying presents for her etc, going out tog etc. the me dun have such luxury to eat restaurant most of the time. Most of the time, she wan to go, she offered to pay for me 1st. I rtn every amt that I owed her. Even how tight I have wif my resources, I struggle on. For the genting trip, She paid for me 1st, everything I rtn her as usual. Each time I rtn her, the amt was not so low.

This final straw, b4 our breaking up, I was unlucky, I had a conflict wif my new boss, and she actually used authoritive methods on me, depriving me of my AWS which I was abt to get very soon. This sum of money was planned to cover for the upcoming exam fee, which is this period. Yeah I’m out of job. These few mths was terrible. As exams nearing n I couldn’t really find a full time job, until my exams over. Times are bad, not sure when I’m able to find 1.

I have submitted the sch fee, everything will be wasted if I’m not able to submit the exam fee. To this point, did I run? I’m still here writing blog. My handphone number is still contactable. I didn’t do anything at all when I found out abt this new r/s in start of 2009. She del everything away. While I just did ntg. What’s left is only this last strand of practical contact, or a favour which I owed her. I did not 4get abt It, when time comes it’ll be completely detached from this last srand. But it’s a fact that she did me wrong.

Now since she’s so happy now, jiu gd lo.Then u guys stop bothering abt me.I dun wish to be affected like now, during such impt period. I dun wish further $ to be wasted. As well as precious time. No more will I wan this terrible heart aching feeling again. This is just a space for me to breath some air. Appreciate if u ppl could stop disturbing the peace I’m trying to build up.

bubbles of sadness.