____________['[*Moments Sharing*]']___________

Updates from 4th Jan 2010 – 9th Jan 2010, Mon - Sat
(Start blogging on 9th Jan 2010 at 6.27pm)

Monday 4th Jan

Seeking for a new temp job week, I have lots of things to clear on a Monday. 1st, I have to settle the medical review date, which is on this fri, as I have not yet visit my own medical appt to TTSH. However, since I have not book any appt within the year, due to my financial status, the case is automatically closed. Hence I have to visit poly clinic 1 day and have them referred me back to my doc..

Its gonna be a very tedious process, but I just dun have the choice. Its only in the nite time when I am outside, tat the called me n advised me to go online n change the appt date myself, since its automatically fixed on the net.. Next, I send my resume to my agency, Mei for her to keep a lookout for any new temp jobs for me to do.. After which, I called MBS to clarify something about the date issue for my Casino Licence interview on Thursday..

During nite time, mm wanted to meet me for dinner b4 she headed off for her work, so she came to SP to find me. I was so hungry earlier so I have an early dinner, until which she woke up n sms me for dinner. But I companied her dinner while having a corn soup. We have lots of things to chat about n she brought her thumb drive to copy some of my laptop pics and I shared wif her some of my song collections, while she shared wif me a few of hers..

Time always flies so fast wif her ard n it was time for her to go to work. It was her 1st time travelling to work from sp, ended up 10 mins late. So at least nxt time, she roughly have a gauge on wat time to leave. After she left, I headed to arcade for a while to play some game, followed by heading to mac to watch my favourite Michael Jackson live video b4 I call it a day.

Tuesday 5th Jan

As usual, I feel so emo today, had insomnia.. I slept at 2am last nite, but dunno y I just woke up suddenly at 6am+ in the morning. Then I just lay awake in bed staring at the celling n into space, until its time to wake up n I use the com at home. I dunno y I just find tat there’s ntg for me to do at the net either.. So I jus online n stare at my com, sometimes listening to music, sometimes dun, cuz my nephew need to slp, so I can’t on the volume to my desire level..

Even outside activities also has no colours to me.. My life just seemed painted grey, everything looks so dull n boring.. Its so mundane tat it just makes me lifeless.. I seemed like a walking zombie, wifout any energy in me.. Nel n duck asked me out for dinner, so we headed to kfc to have my fav 2 piece meal, as usual go arcade play sf4 wif them, followed my Mac for Michael Jackson..

The only difference was a SF4 friend I knew, came to mac to get his usual ice-cream. I nv expect he just buy n go, so luckily I manage to reach him on his hp n get him back to look after my laptop for me, while I visit the washroom. The bad thing about gg out alone is that, I have nobody to watch my things for me, while I visit the washroom.. After tat we chat awhile..

His r/s also not very ideal n from wat we c, its not very optimistic. However, luckily he’s a person wif very high self esteem, superb confident level. Something which I needed to have in me, however we have something in common was, we were very vulnerable in a r/s. His gf is a very rich Hong Kong ger, very pampered indeed. In sch, he’s not allowed to hold her hands or be close wif her, can only regard her as frd, as the ger dun wan the public to know of their r/s..

Even the lecturer is interested wif the ger.. Their r/s were also not very stable, wif the ger breaking up wif him, out of no reason, times after times.. Anyway he told me the r/s is slowly turning for the better, after I advice him some time back not to give in too much as the gf needs to learn n be understanding. In the past, the ger always have a rich bf, everything paying for her, wat she wants..

He’s like me, ownself have to scrimp until so badly, just to be able to hang out wif the ger.. Anyway after he left, I continue my movie b4 heading home..

Wednesday 6th Jan 2010

Everything was the same as routine in the day time, wif the only diff tat I need to give my agency an ans about a job she offered me. Cuz the pay wasn’t attractive n the location was so far again.. So I decided to consider b4 giving her my ans. She offered me on Mon evening if I am not mistaken n I told her tat I would gave her an ans by wed. As promised I called, but her ans was the slot was taken up..

Yet she didn’t even inform me abt tat.. However, she offered me another 2, but its more ridiculous than the previous 1. So in the end, I rejected both until she has other job for me. No point working on some jobs where I dun get much in the end, as most of the pay were used for transport n food etc.. evening time, I meet ben n nel for dinner. This time we play cards wif out wil tog.

Hmm as usual, losing streak again, my winnings dropped until I think left 300+ only.. Ben lost again n this time nel is on winning luck. Snake seem to get luckier each day.. Cuz its time for ben to catch last bus home, they left while I stayed to use laptop, b4 calling it a day..Nxt day got Casino Licence Interview, so I didn’t stay until very late as well..

Thursday 7th Jan 2010

I woke up to prepare the necessary things for the interview. Due to some things I missed out, I am lack of printer at home, I wasted lots of time looking for frds to help me print. Luckily managed to find jim who is off duty from camp at home. However, when I reach his hse, I tot I can just take n go, ended up he nv helped me print..So I went in n print myself.. Only to notice tat he dun have Microsoft words, all the alignments were off, so I have to adjust the page n print them again b4 leaving off..

My interview was 2.50pm n I am not able to make it on time. Location was very inaccessible, alight at Commonwealth mrt, I headed to take cab there. I managed to reach on time, but cuz of the name I put there, the interview tot I missed the interview, almost struck my name off.. In the interview, I already expected they would qn me about the credit cards issue on my credit card report.

I explained honestly, but wat I received was a ‘bu2 xie4’ expression from the interviewer’s face. After the interview, I was worried tat I might be failed cuz of my credit card issue. There’s a period of time where I was super long unemployed last yr, caught in btw my exams as well. So I ended up using cash advance wif my credit cards. However from then on wards, I have not been paying full amount every mth, expect for the minimum amt..

Of cuz the statement nv state anything, only a cap N, stating tat I did not return my credit cards bills in full amt.. If I am failed of my application for the licence becuz of this, its really a waste of my precious time waiting endlessly for this job to start.. End up it seems my fault tat I am so short of cash.. Had they gave me a certain time frame of the starting date, it would have been easier for me to look for jobs.

I have approached many jobs, but many were reluctant to hire me cuz I am not able to provide them how long I can commit wif them.. Tat’s the main prob on my job seeking now.. I am extremely poor now.. the declaration form I filled up n submit was sep 2009, so during the interview, she asked me abt my status now, poorer then the amt I stated? I answered honestly yes…

Nxt she looked at my liabilities, the 2 credit cards amt, is it still the same or have the amt been cleared? I answered honestly, still the same.. cuz every month I still pay minimum amt, n used the amt to settle my phone bills.. The same kind of facial expression.. Its definitely a deficit from wat I hav declared.. Anyway I have some mental preparations tat I dun have a choice, its fate if I failed my application for this job.

I just dun have the finance capable enough for me to wait for this job to start. I have wasted my time waiting for this job, instead of finding other full time job. I really hate Marina Bay Sands in this case, for making me signed the employment agreement on Jul 2009, n yet not even giving us allowance for such a long wait.. OF CUZ I’M POORER DAY BY DAY!!

After the interview, I went for the thumb print scan. Scanned all my 10 fingers, as well as my palms.. After which I can leave the place.. Feeling depress, I have nobody to turn to.. I wasted another 6 bucks travelling on cab to commonwealth mrt n headed home. I changed n bring my laptop out again.. nite time I asked Jason bear to company me for dinner…

After which, I watched my favourite Disney show, Beauty and the Beast. Ben managed to help me burn it into a cd for me to watch.. Its still so touching the end, I am a very sensitive n emotional guy, always teared when I watch very sad, love story… But cuz this kind of public place I have to hold my tears la.. haha.anyway, wil come to find me after work at mac. Luckily he’s ard, so he lent me a listening ear..

Friday 8th Jan 2010

It was a memorable day, diff from my mundane life. Its short lived but I do cherish the moments. I woke up very early in the morning only to be welcomed by a bad stomachache. It was so upset tat I really have a bad morning. Since I was late for my things, I hurriedly prepare n left home.. I headed to buy some breakfast at A-Mei’s Café n headed off to my destination..

However, my stomach was so crazy tat I feel so terrible.. Ended I keep calling n calling, but there’s no response, cuz aslp so deeply like a log. There’s no public toilet nearby, even if there is, its so far the walking distances.. My condition forbids me to travel so far. Luckily, until an hr + of wait, I am able to relieve my ease.. Not gonna say much about the things here, but its really great to reminisce sweet moments once again..

My 1 & only baby photo i have

My siblings wif me.

THis is my dad n me when he was still young

Its me when i was a little older n i rmb this balloon haha.

Quickly scanned my baby photos and off its time to move off to the next destination.. It was an outing wif my ex.. Doing the things we used to do in the past, however things were so diff now, but its still so great cuz the things we did tog were still the best.. So here are the activities as I go on.. we headed to sing k lunch tog..we were late so only able to sing 2 hrs instead of 3 hrs..

The system there have changed, so need some time to get use of the remote. We sing lots of duets tog, her voice is still the best..I just enjoyed singing wif her..My singing improved as well.. As the time moved so fast, many songs were not able to sung tog.. after this day, not sure if we have the chance to sing tog again.. After which, we headed to suntec to catch a movie tog..

The only movie available was Cirque De Freak: The Vampire Assistant. I read this movie in storybook when I was young in the library.. It’s an interesting movie, and they make it as though it’s a comedy. Glad tat the money spend was worthwhile n we both enjoyed the movie very much. It flows exactly like the story book I have read. I can recommend this to ppl who r interested to catch this movie. Its worth the value.

Nxt up was supposed to have dinner tog at Kenny rogers, I was reluctant initially, the moment I knew tat her Niece, Janice would be joining us for dinner. I really feel like leaving, as for wat really happened to us, it was really unpleasant.. It would really be awkward to see her niece again.. ntg much to talk as well.. Impressions given, wasn’t really pleasant after wat had happened..

Anyway ended up stayed on.. Of cuz, as usual the same unpleasant thing, was the sms n calls which I used to experience in the past.. Just tat the most dreadful thing was, it was from the guy who ruined our r/s.. I have to actually be hidden of my presence from him.. This really seemed ridiculously weird.. Anyway b4 jan come, we do have some short time of chat wif each other..

Found out some things from her, but its always the case ba.. During the times when she strayed, she won’t realize tat, until the moment when we both part n they went ‘happily’ tog, only then she realized certain things, weren’t as sweet as they see at the beginning.. She’s a person who’s easily moved or touched by some small funny actions from anyone.. So the guy just simply do some things n off she’s gone..

This guy wasn’t as caring as he seemed in the past, when he was courting her, while she’ still wif me.. What do you think of a guy when he says ‘If I want to chase after a ger, or have my target on, I have always nv fail to get wat I wanted.’? He finds tat chasing after a ger is something thrilling n challenging to him. Wat’s love wif such an intention at the beginning? So true enough he really got it, the thrill has subsided, so there’s ntg interesting left, after the domination…

She mentioned tat the guy threatened him many things, tat’s a contrast wif me.. To think tat she actually do so much from him, when she only barely tog wif him for a yr.. I am not comparing abt the doing matters.. But he’s owning a car, he have a stable job, how can he be so needed in assistance? Fancy needed her help so much from her? I still rmb she signed up a bond wif the company..

Ended up she actually helped him so much.. I have actually adviced her in the past when we r tog, not to be too helpful.. As in, she keep grumbling, wanting to quit the job, but the bond is there, so dun breach the bond unnecessary..So now this guy use her help as a threat to her, if they break up.. Even blamed her for wasting his time? Sounds hilarious…However, its just a disgrace for some1 like this being called a libra. Ntg but merely a Si1 Wen2 Bai4 Lei4.. I have a pride as well, I dun wan to owe anymore anything even if we were to part or wat..

I would rather she helped somebody else, where she can have reassurance tat she won’t be threatened, should there be any dispute.. *chuckle*. Anyway, this guy still got the capability to buy her iphone ba. Its her own happiness, her own life bouy. Lastly about something btw them, which I dun wan to state down her, but I dun wish to 4get as well, think of some things to phrase it until not so obvious..

The guy told her, she has no reason to decline him cuz he is his bf. (Besides she is not some holy angel, so precious tat needs to protect her valuables, until they stayed in the same roof tog) This bracket sentence is my own phrase, to hide the original 1. Because of this, she can break her own views of life, which we used to talk about love for some1, n those whom u dun love. Its so holy n precious tat not anybody can do it..

I guess tat’s 1 of the diff I have wif her ba.. If its me, no matter wat, I protect wat was rite n impt to me.. Nv let anybody violate my own values in life, over my dead body…no form of words, or threaten can make me succumb to it..Tat’s y if I dun really love a person, I won’t go into a r/s wif anybody.. But I guess individuals have diff values in life ba.. Some were same, but she just belong to a diff type..

I am lonely, I am empty.. I need company very badly as well as she did.. I am bored, but all the more, I can’t bring myself to be wif somebody whom I have no feelings for.. The same kind of words said by diff ppl, have got diff feelings.. If the person u love, even some simple sentences also sound sweet to ur heart, but if the person u dun love, said the same words, it just seem so disgusting.. Likewise for the actions did tog, I can’t betray my own heart n go ahead wif it, not even once…

Enough of this, I have to fend of the awkwardness feeling of having her niece around on the same table.. I dunno how Janice feels about me, but the words said were some reminders. Dun worry, I noe, she is attached now, dun be so wary of me tat I have the intention of breaking up a cpl, happily in love.. Even in the past, I did not do anything funny to break her n mao up..

I am not so evil as u might have assume me to be..I dun wear a mask around, always being my true self.. Unless u wan to call me ‘putting up a strong front, behind my soft heart, protecting, trying to show others tat I am not easily bullied’ as a mask.. besides tat, on the table, she keep in front of her niece, saying those things like I have feelings for this ger tat ger at mac, its just a bit making me unhappy, thinking wat’s she trying to show?

Despite those uneasiness, there’s still some chatty part ba.. Still not so bad, as usual, I entertain them n have them laugh happily.. Though not really intentionally trying to act funny, or crack those kind of funny jokes to make ppl laugh.. I also dunno how to explain, but ppl who noes me very well, does enjoy my presence around.. Janice didn’t even noe I was so funny back then, but well anyway….

Well Jan was a nice, young sweet ger, decent looking just like all her siblings, just tat she was feeling emo lately due to some things, my ex was very concerned abt her.. She shld be able to get a much better bf, who deserves her love than this 1. I understand the feeling of being dump by some1 u truly love, but need to be strong n pick urself up. Drinking n getting herself drunk is not very healthy or safe for a ger. Image will be spoilt as well haha. Venture to other decent activities, who noes she might be able to meet some1 of her destiny. So currently she is single and available. Any decent guys wan to receive her love? Haha like advertising like tat…

Some photos which were taken on the way back home at mrt, cuz Jan have some funny crab decorations wif her, so feel like taking pic wif it. So I be the photographer, so here’s the photos.. The dinner afterall, turn out to be not so bad, like the past when I entered her hse wif her family, looking at me wif some kind of uncomfortable expressions, which I dun really like going to her hse back then…

Jan trying to take her lovely yellow crab with her in the pic

Second photo wif her Ah yi

They are trying to form the heart shape. 1st try?

2nd try

3rd try

Jan helped us to take a pic tog. Its been long since we have a photo taken tog. Hmm cuz time is rushing as the mrt is moving off soon. didn't have time to check my vest...Also no time to take a photo wif Jan.

Finally last shot for them with yellow crab on Ser while Jan holding on to her 2nd favourite, can't really c wat is the object.

Besides tat, its just an outing after so long, turn out to be some many ppl knowing tat we r gg out for a day.. Her frds were so concerned about her… Dun worry, when she’s wif me, she would always be in safe hands, will be back in 1 piece, safe n sound, wifout any harm..Its always great to reminisce the sweet moments of the past, just tat obviously, things were not the same anymore. But I do cherish them well n was grateful for tat.. So here are the moments that we do for the day..

Saturday 9th Jan 2010

Well after such a memorable day, I am back to my usual routine le.. Spent the morning online n stoning.. Army called me ytd nite, reminding me tat Mon I have reservist in the morning.. I 4got about it, so it really turns my mood down.. Morning I went to check online its on Mon to Sat nxt week… Its gonna be a dreadful week.. After which, I stone in front of the com again, unless got ppl chat wif me…

My niece (2nd sister’s daughter) come in the afternoon, so I spent some time wif her as well as nephew. After which, I prepare n go to sp to slack at arcade n mac.. So here I am now, blogging those things down.. My handphone is very peaceful today, just like other days b4 my ex contact me.. Obviously tonite peaceful, meaning to say she is wif her bf now.. Not a bit surprise tat I expect tat she won’t be contacting me when she’s wif him.

Her schedule for today was shopping wif jan in the afternoon n meeting her bf at nite. Well she went out wif jan at late afternoon, meaning to say will be meeting him late in the nite, perhaps a routine like her past, wif mao, staying over at his hse over the weekends. Anyway, I’m off to watch my movie, b4 I call it a day.. Wanna try enjoy my weekends, b4 I dread my nxt week wif my army stuffs…

(Stop blogging on 10 Jan 2010 at 12.11am)

bubbles of sadness.