____________['[*Moments Sharing*]']___________

*2:47 PM .

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

(24/11/08) Monday

Well, today, basically got ntg much to blog abt.. still mingling ard wif r/s probs, work, studies, finanical, etc.. Wonder when will I be able to break free from all these stresses.. initially can go back hm straight after work.. but cuz of all this stresses, decided to relief stress again.. Phone ding to mit him up.. Then went to aracde to play kof wif Awie. He's the only 1 there.. Starting, few ppl were playing super mode, so just went over to play a while..

After which, transfer over to play normal wif awie alone.. but cuz he got not much cash, play a while ltr, me n ding went to sakae to eat dinner.. I suddenly feel like eating stg nice, so tat it can make me feel happier.. thus make this sudden decision.. of cuz I got not much cash, so spend on credit card again.. Luckily, citibank now can have discount le.. waste my effort to apply 4 the DBS debit card.. think i'm cancelling it away soon..got citibank can le..

lend ding $ again.. but he promise me to rtn 50 bucks back immediately, cuz I really got not much cash left.. After which, we headed to lan shop to play our games.. well I went there to attempt my story again.. Fav com was not available... Managed to complete a few games only.. sad.. but I managed to get my yellow colour E1 logo for story le.. i'm 81% in the story.. but think i'm gonna stuck again 4 a long time..

This time is 145 bpm, can;t let u go, no miss, no bad, expert chereo.. Sigh.. Really dreaded those ppl who play cheat to get the story logo.. Hope they'll be banned..Mine story lvl was achieve solid all by myself.. happy cuz of the sense of achievement is there.. anyway, if I play cheat, get the logo, think oso no use.. dun feel so gd like wat I feel now haha.. well after which, I went over to play wif some online frds...

hmm perform not bad though.. Listen to some fav songs as well.. my performance not bad tonite..but play couple mode, think deprove le.. very lousy I perform.. hav been playing story too much ba.. not use to c the arrows being splited up.. Anyway suppose to go hm ard 12am..end up tat ding..zz dragged until almost 2 am then we go back.. sian lo.. tml sure very slply.. besides I think I dun really feel so well.. feverish n my body aching all over...

bubbles of sadness.

*12:09 PM .

Monday, November 24, 2008

(19/11/08) Wednesday

I'm back blogging once again. Recently, I have ntg to blog ba.. hence didn't really feel like blogging.. Got ntg joyous to talk abt either..Life is really so miserable indeed... Well to continue with where I have left out, I was sick overnite, having a fever, etc..and oso quarrelling wif some1 on the phone..so on wed, went to work as usual..do ntg much I suppose.. can't really rmb wat I do le..

If I rmb correctly, I went straight hm after work.. then online? Watching anime is the only thing I can rmb ba... rest of the things I can't rmb clearly le... think I online until 11pm, I went to watch tv, then wash up, then slp le..

(20/11/08) Thursday

Well was on mc cuz my stomach was giving me prob again.. initially I wake up on time to prepare..however, due to the stomach prob, I spent too long in the wash rm.. ended up knowing I'll be late, I decided to take mc le.. of cuz new boss was very unhappy abt it.. anyway I can't be bothered wif her anymore.. endure 1 mth +, i'm leaving.. so went back to rest a while more..

after tat, wash up, on the com, and go to visit the doc.. as usual, I made a mistake.. I shld not go eat breakfast at kfc.. shld have go to the doc place, get a queue no, then go n eat breakfast.. ended up, after eating, I need to waste time waiting 4 the queue to be my turn.. took me ard an hr, b4 I go in 4 consultation.. i'm already worried my $ not enough to survive until nxt pay, which is gg to be delayed 4 few days, than the actual day..

hence during the waiting time, I went to the arcade to play mj game n a rd of kof wif the com, b4 gg back to the clinic to continue the wait... Finally its my turn.. doc checked n claimed tat its gastric flu.. gimme some medicine n a day's mc.. luckily, it cost 25 bucks.. finally reached hm, mum bought me porridge 4 lunch.. n I start watching the anime, Nodame.. It was really nice.. the musical pieces inside...enhance my interest 4 learning piano to a higher step..

Finally I complete the short epi of Nodame.. The ending was touching.. Chiaki n Nodame got tog.. Love the ending, though somehow expected.. Hmm not many anime brings the char tog.. usually comic end le, their r/s is still lying there unclear.. was thinking of resting, but nv..Well I was so shocked tat I didn;t receive any care from tat some1, except words of “envy” tat I can watch anime at hm...This “envy” happens all the time when i'm at hm..instead of words of concern, whether i'm ok le ma? Or stg pleasant or sincere..

Wash up n went to marsiling early to mit Ser at the mrt platform.. upon arriving, headed down to sch.. well late 4 sch, so no choice have to by stg n headed inside the lecture hall.. The nite's lesson was abt group social psychology.. I find it interesting, though not as interesting as other lessons, but she's not really interested.. Think its individual ba.. maybe engineering stuffs, or maths kind of formula lessons, suits her.. GP kind of lessons, doesn't interest her ba, as her attention lvl was very high..

After lesson, she was very tired.. so do I.. well initially she said she arranged to have a talk wif me, to settle the r/s issue.. but just called off like nobody's business. Same like mit outing, can suddenly chg plans n say mtg some1 else, wan can join, etc.. or not happy can suddenly dun mit at all.. so the quarrel starts again.. well of cuz the probs nv dies down.. its still unsolve.. but adds on.. esp that tue nite..

So I did my part, since she company me 4 lesson, I companied her till yck station n goes back myself.. can I have a her who doesn;t gimme probs related to the opposite sex?i'm really so tired of handling this r/s alone....

(21/11/08) Friday

Back to work..finally its weekend.. bringing many emotions to work.. i'm really feeling so stress.. hence I have a big quarrel wif my new boss.. She scolded me n gimme attitude.. hence I was oso giving attitude as well.. anyway she's the boss.. I got no choice.. but to say sorry lo.. work like tat, my r/s also gimme the same kind of feeling.. I can;t take it anymore.. r/s n work all adding on to my stress..

as well as studies.. my body really can't take it tat it begins falling sick n its getting more n more frequent...i broke down at ofc.. of cuz, hiding inside toilet la... Under such circumstance.. I really feel tat i need an understanding gf, who really cares 4 me.. So my life wouldn;t be affected badly, each time we quarrel.. well tonite suppose to mit Ser, but since appt was chged as n when she like, i'm not joining, despite her knowing tat my r/s wif jan wasn;t really +ve anymore.. She still ask so casually 4 me to join her n jan..

Anyway I appreciate nel n frds who r by my side, to pass my miserable nite.. I played kof wif kit, nel, kw, duck n awie etc.. then go dinner n start rd 2 of kof.. after which, headed down wif nel n ding to lan shop.. However, didn't really had fun at lan.. I was so slply tat I couldn;t really play well.. besides, audi seems so lag nowadays..wonder when they will fixed the problems.. Played a while, until ard 1am + or so, I gave up..

My eyes could hardly open, so I told nel n ding to go hm tog.. Finally, hm swit hm...

(22/11/08) Saturday

I slp until quite late, n my body was so weak when I wake up.. Think I watch anime again.. I really can;t rmb which day I watch.. but I think its not wed, but today which I manage to complete nodame.. then finally until ard 5pm, then manage to decide wif nel where to go.. Its getting so boring nowadays, tat gg anywhere oso boring.. every1 got different means of gg different places..

Wan watch movie, but dun have nice movie.. damn bored.. end up wil, nel, ding n duck agreed to go to the lan shop again.. so I company wil to duck's hse to take cash, then we headed to arcade mit nel n ding.. saw some kof frds there, so play wif them n headed to kfc...4 dinner.. after which, we headed to cab n go to the lan shop.. i'm lucky, I managed find many ppl doing the story i'm doing.. 8k club dance 1.. 4 hearts n 2 fm 4 10 rds..

after hard work, I managed to complete. Sad n fuming to say, saw ppl playing cheat in story mode.. some actually use hack.. I really wish such ppl be banned.. another 1 worst.. actually glitch the story.. he even pm me to teach me how to glitch the story.. like this get the icon of the story, got no means of satisfaction at all.. really dreaded such kind of ppl, spoiling the game.. imagine, I took such great deal to achieve tat thing, every1 else gets it wifout any effort.. its not unique n special anymore..

anyway brush tat aside..She online as well, company her until 2 am n initially wan to go off le..but end up hy n xy come... so play audi wif hy instead.. play for sometime, then chg to play back story instead.. this time, story goes back to the playing wif com kind de.. so shldn't have headache having to invite ppl into the rm anymore, except 4 1 last story, db8 I guess... I still need to get 3rd place lo.. sian.. nvm shall leave tat story to the last...ok call it a day..

(23/11/08) Sunday

A very bad day 4 me.. meet wil ard 8.am+ then we mit ben at tampines ard 9.45am? We headed to kfc to have our breakfast, b4 gg to my bro hse 4 mj session. It was the worst mj session I ever played.. I dunno wat's wrong wif me.. luck is not there or wat? My tiles actually not bad leh.. I didn't bomb myself, letting opponent win big tai, only small 1, but rest of the time, is just paying fees for ppl who bomb ownselves, feeding the other ppl win..

for the whole of north, south, east, west in the 1st game, I didn;t win a single rd.. the weather oso gimme prob.. humid..i feel so sticky lo.. besides bro's chair, no back rest like hui's hse.. tog wif my stomach prob, it makes me completely uncomfortable.. plus losing $, makes everything worst...played until evening time, maximum I lost almost 100 bucks to my bro...super sian...my stomach can;t take it..went to the washrm...

finally relieve myself, it starts to get better abit.. then take a break to eat dinner at his hse.. his mum cook 4 us to eat.. after which, continue, I start to win back le.. until the end, cuz of no time, I reduce the lost to 67.50.. ben play so long, win/ lose 0.. wil from winning become losing 16.50...sian, now my bro owe me 51, become I owe him 16.50.. pay him 1.50, transfer wil lost to me, I owe my bro 31 bucks...wil owe me 16.50..

after which, drag my tired body hm from tampines.. so far lo.. sian.. some more lose $... reached hm, super tired, didn;t even bath, chg my clothes only, head touch the bed, wan lie down a while, end up fall aslp, thruout the nite...

bubbles of sadness.

*3:49 PM .

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

(14/11/08) Friday
Back to blog once again.. Weird though cuz I would be expected to be away for a very long time due to my reservist, but here I am, nv expect to return so fast though. After so many ordeal, I managed to defer my NS finally.. hmm but whether its gd or bad, I really dunno...think both sides, be it in army or at work, I dreaded them all.. Back to where I stopped.. I went back to clear my work..
I planned to leave early a bit from work, but end up, this boss again... gimme more things to clear.. So no choice, stayed until later a bit than 6pm n I went off to amk hub.. Well Ser wans to mit me b4 I went to army.. I reached there early, went to buy movie ticket.watched madagascar 2, 8.30pm show..Then went arrived, went to ichiban sushi to have dinner.. Not bad the food there but its quite ex though..
After dinner, its abt time 4 the movie, hence headed to the cinema.. The movie was not bad. Quite funny n nice.. so I shall gif it 8/10 ba.. It was ard 10pm when the movie ended, hence we decided to head to lan shop to play audi.. Hmm surprise that there's not many ppl in the VIP room, cuz everybody wans the package outside the VIP rm, 10 bucks from 12am – 8am.. hmm I doubt I can play so long anymore, burning my lifespan away like tat..
We play till abt 2.45am b4 sending her hm.. That's all I can say for today.

(15/11/08) Saturday
Already planned initially to mit ben n wil out.. I was so tired that I slp thruout the day.. Think is ard 1 pm or so then I manage to wake up? Well called ben only to be told that he's sick, so the mtg was cancelled.. No choice I have to phone wil to discuss wif him on wat to do.. End up we decided to go for number snooker.. Can't really rmb wat time we mit, but If I rmb correctly, I saw kw at the arcade, then we played kof tog..
Hehe playing kof wif kw Is getting more fun le.. but too bad, he dun wan to chg more to challenge wif me, hence me n wil leave arcade. Since I haven't had my lunch n breakfast, went to eat early dinner. Country Manna again, since its gg to be away soon. After eating, then we proceed to AMK hub to play our snooker game.. Sian lo, I dunno y this time I lose like mad.. really lose a lot.. play till ard 11+..
Ser came to find me for the 1st time after she came from mtg her frd, joey.. Well after she come, we r playing the last game cuz not gd to let her sit there do ntg.. But its only this last game where I win the most..recover a little of my losses..win 7 bucks in this rd.. but overall I pay 4 most of the matches..while wil only nid to pay 35cents for the entire game? Sian lo really lose a lot..
Then since Ser come awhile only like wasted trip, so we headed to mac to play cards.. Wow, 1st time Ser play wif us, she actually win 24 bucks from wil.. Then I win ard 22 bucks from wil? So end up wil transfer the 24 I owe him, to Ser.. After which, we headed hm by cab...Tat's abt it for the day..

(16/11/08) Sunday
The last day b4 I headed down to army for reservist le.. planned to go 4 k lunch wif Ser at 12pm.. Ended up for some reasons, she's late... Dun wish to talk abt it.. Sing until 3pm, hmm got quite a number of songs I would like to hear, but can only hear in k-session cuz I dun no how to find those songs from the net n dl them to my hp..Then we headed down to cut my hair..
After deciding many places, ended up at Jean Yip Salon at Amk hub.. the hair cut cost 24..ex hor.. but tat guy persuade me to sign up a package of 7 sessions.. cuz the original price Is 30 bucks.. since its unlimited time, I take the package, but promise to pay the remaining 100 bucks upon the next visit.. I was even persuaded to buy the shampoo from them.. since my hse shampoo is running low, I decided to purchase 1..
Ser took the treatment costing 128.. plus the shampoo n another bottle, it cost 166... scary.. then after which, we headed down to cityhall to find the army market at beach rd.. its the 1st time I actually go there.. so took us quite some time to find it.. after tat cuz she's very hungry, so we just find the hawker there n eat dinner b4 heading down to doby ghaut where we decide to c if there's any movie available..
since there's no movie, we find a place to rest awhile n catch fantastic 4 shown on the display tv.. since there's ntg left n tml need to wake up early, so we headed to take train hm..send her hm, b4 gg back to prepare n pack my army stuffs..took me quite some time b4 i'm done preparing n headed to bed..

(17/11/08) Monday
1 of the worst day.. I actually over slp.. cuz I was too tired.. need to report to camp at 7.30am.. ended up I woke up at 6.30am.. then drag myself to prepare n left hse at 7am? Then I reach boon lay mrt, I wanted to take a cab down, but was unlucky as the queue was so long, n the traffic seems congested.. end up I decided to call the cab, but turn out tat I have to wait 4 10-12 mins.. then suddenly my stomach was so painful..
I rushed to the nearby shopping centre to relieve myself.. n just nice, not long after i'm back to the taxt stand, the cab arrived..boarded the cab, the driver explained to me y there's a traffic jam, due to accident ahead.. ended up the driver tried to make a detour n end up oso congested..zz reach the camp n the cab fare sure is very ex..I booked in at 8.19am.. My hair cut was being called twice... but due to me trying to defer, so the asked me to report 1st n waited in the rm..
Find some familiar faces there.. 1 of my ex camp mate.. then 1 junior n some other ppl who were trying to defer.. Well we all headed 1 by 1.. and most defer request were rejected.. obviously, mine was rejected too.. sian lo.. that col in the rm, he talk a lot but ended up just refuse to defer me.. I told him abt my medical condition, specialist letter etc n my past few encounters at the medical centre... all was invalid..
Then told him abt my nite classes he oso say depends.. well nobody is gonna pay me back for the lessons which I have lost.. he can say so lightly.. then I have a physio appt on 26th Nov he oso ask me to postpone it.. Hence I just have to go to report to my officer commanding for the reservist.. Headed there leaded by Mdm Jo. The OC told me that since I can't well no 4, its not possible to wear admin attire thruout the reservist, esp during the ops period..So since he can't really decide anything, so just ask me to go to medical centre to report sick again...
Sian, I have to travel ard here n there in camp.. I follow mdm Jo to her ofc, put my things down, then headed to the emart to buy the admin attire n slippers as instructed by mdm Jo..Went there the slippers need cash of 3.90.. I chg everything n report back to her.. end up she says its the wrong shoe.. it shoe be the army sandals.. wa..she told me is slippers lo.. so I headed back to the emart, quite a distance away to buy the sandals..
since its already lunch hrs, I hav my lunch at the canteen near the emart.. the food there..looks nice, but doesn't really taste gd.. after which, I headed back to her ofc, but nobody was ard.. my appt at medical centre was 1.30pm.. ended up it was 1.19pm, n still no news from them, I decided to head down to the medical centre, which is freaking far to report sick as instructed..
As usual...from 1pm +..i waited until 3pm+ then only its my turn to go n c the same MO.. wa this MO really very attitude.. I really can't stand him.. anyway he still dun wan to gimme any excuse..just say i'll be downgraded n write a memo to the OC and let him decide to defer or not.. N i'm out from the rm.. And then, for this freaking memo from this MO, I waited super long again until its almost 5pm..
Then I walked a long distance back to Mdm Jo's ofc.. Her assistant is there this time.. told me tat she's away so have to wait 4 her.. awhile ltr, she came back n quickly she told the assistant to bring me to c oc.. luckily the OC is almost abt to book out already.. OC upon looking at the letter, says tell me to out process from the reservist..Then we headed back to her ofc again n she say need oc's signature.. but too bad oc has left..
So we just headed back to the main ofc frontdesk, where the make arrangement for the outprocess issue.. then waited until its 5.40 then finally me n the assistant left the ofc n took a cab tog..he live at simei, but since its along the way, so he drop me at boon lay mrt.. Well, during this trip, I noe ppl working at great eastern n prudential.. hmm is working this line really so successful like them? But of cuz they have down times la..
other than tat, the assistant, he is a freelance IT..i learn something from him wif regards to self employment, working as free lance.. it really adds on to my options as to where I can choose to develop my career in future.. anyway out a stop to this army stuffs ba.. After then, I headed the mrt to marsiling to mit Ser where she finish her work.. She companied me to Sun plaza at Sem, treated me 4 dinner..
Went Country Manna again, where we share the meal 4 2 n the nice Soup at Country Manna.. After which, we went to buy movie tickets, watch The Good, The Bad & the Weird korean comedy movie.. since there's time, cuz its 9.15 show, we headed down to arcade to play a while n walk ard at other shops too.. well this movie is funny, not bad.. not like those korean movies I watched n regretted.. this 1 is great.. I shall rated it 8/10 ba..
Then the time was so late n its time to part.. cuz i'm carrying so many things, we took cab where she drop me along the way n she headed hm.. can't sent her hm as the things really too heavy le... all those army stuffs... called her to make sure she reach hm safely.. b4 I washed up n prepare 4 nxt day's work.. Tue's got some bad feelings but I keep surpressing them inside my heart..

(18/11/08) Tuesday
Expected the bad things really do happened.. Well some1 was mtg a frd after work 4 dinner.. I actually dun agree initally dun to so many bad experiences n incidents from the past that makes me feel so -ve.. No choice since the mtg was arranged few weeks ago, so I have no choice but to agree to it.. morning I ask to send an MMS to me, ended up the services was down or wat?No MMS was received...
Besides.. the me now, can only believe wat I c wif my very own eyes.. Hence wat I need or see was proof n evidences to support the explaination but ntg else.. Then in the morning I actually bought a packet of noodle.. after eating, my stomach feel super discomfort.. I think this coul dbe due to unheallthy food intake.. cuz the shop, got hsefly flying ard the food lo.. regret eating tat.. so I dun feel well...from tummy it makes my limbs cold.. then I feel feverish n headache..
I sms her during her lunch time.. but it seems like the attention wasn;t there.. not really attentive to me, but only reply abt the date wif that frd.. it makes my condition worst n i'm very paranoid.. y everytime when i'm sick or not feel well, little attention was always given to me? Then end up I found out tat she's discussing wif tat frd abt where to go n the cravings for IKEA's meat ball.. it makes me fuming hot..
The attention wasn;t really on me.. can actually miss out the sms, where I told her i'm not feeling well.. its not as if she's bz at work, but its out on lunch... I even quesntion her several times abt the frd coming over to fetch her by car or not, she oso nv ans.. finally she admit tat guy coming over, despite promising me tat she will go by herself 4 the mtg.. Ended up I was so disappointed.. Besides mtg place I tot is tat frd arrange de.. ended up its her who arrange such a far place..
Just cuz he got car.. Ended up she tried to reassure me of taking cab hm after the mtg, but would I believe.. I'm so disappointed that the trust was broken once again.. even if i'm tat frd, I wouldn;t even allow her to take cab hm, but drove her hm instead.. Y always treat me like tat? I feel so helpless n sick.. didn;t go to sch.. I dragged myself hm.. I vomit during work, n was super sick..
She didn't cared abt me, but choose to argue wif me.. car has been seated..although ya true.. she reached hm quite early.. but its the trust tat has been broken.. once again.. y doesn't every happy moment always so short? If wan gimme happy moments, gif it consistantly..y doesn;t it always have to depend on the mood? Y got other ppl le, always treat me like tis? I really dun understand.. its so hard 4 me to bear..
I layed in bed the moment I reach hm...didn;t eat anything.. cuz my stomach seems bloated or wat.. I oso dunno.. tat morning's noodle is the latest meal I took..apart from lunch I took watermelon n papaya only, thinking tat eating fruits can help me digest..end up worst.. feverish, I lied on bed...but ended up instead of resting..it quarrel again.. I'm so disappointed by her treated n she cried.. she scolded me...
everything becomes my fault again.. she say she's very suffering.. all this..so do I.. she said she tried her best.. if tried her best, y let such thing happened again? Then accuse me, accused tat.. say I dump her.. or wat.. I didn't.. but how? Always break trust, how? I can;t be the 1 suffering there n let her do watever she likes rite?end up she cried so badly I think her family hates me more..
Can;t imagine tat.. So sick lying on bed already, yet i'm stilll dealing wif this situation.. my mum scolded me asking me want to scrub my back or not.. ended up, i'm on the phone 4 several hrs.. 1st was chatting wif her, ended up she hangs my phone, I called her hse.. I feel so terrible, I talked to her niece janice, abt how bad I feel, how terrible n how suffering I really feel.. haven't spoken to anybody abt this 4 a very long time..
Having chatting wif her..i feel much better.. then chat wif her again... once again, cry.. everything seems like onlly my fault only.. She doesn;t even sees anything in herself tat cuz me to be so depressed n cuz the dmg wif the r/s.. all she sees was only me quarreling wif her n she feel so terrible abt it.. She doesn;t even sees in herself tat wat's the cuz of the quarrel or wat r the main factors tat disturb the peaceful condition in the r/s.. She just nv sees nor understands... I feel so terrible I really dunno wat to do..
it seems like 4 me to be wif her, I need to suffer alone..if I can;t take it, quarrel wif her, ended up it gets worst.. either I suffer, or both suffer..this is terrible.. This isn't the kind of r/s i'm looking fwd to.. i'm so lost.. I nid some1 who's able to tc of me as well as I tc of her.. I nid some 1 who's understanding n totful towards each other.. understand each other's feelings n noes wat ought to do tat helps the r/s, what ought not to do, tat harms the r/s.. not just care abt ownself's needs or wants..do watever ownself like, wifout sparing a tot 4 the other partner...
Its so terrible..end up took 11pm to end the call.. n I drag myself up to wait outside watching tv drama whil emy mum watch the drama, n settle the baby niece stuffs.. until ard 12am or so then only she scrub my back 4 me.. in return she scolds me, say I so sick, early ask wan scrub back or not, end up chat on phone so long.. then scold me gg hm late everytime.. outside anyhow eat, at hm dun wan eat etc... zzz... anyway I just slp thruout the nite..feeling so terrible..
As 4 the scrubing back, not really very red showing on my back skin, so she can tell tat its not due to heat tat cuz the fever..its cuz of the stomach n the cold...cold fever ba... think tat's all.. From this blog.. 1 look can tell, its so fluctuating... can be so happy suddenly, then the nxt ppoint of time, such kind of disaster were to happen just like tat... y can;t it be so consistent? Then all of us won;t have to be so suffering le I guess.. but its not possible ba..we r just so different...

bubbles of sadness.

*4:32 PM .

Friday, November 14, 2008

(13/11/08) Thursday
Reporting back to work, I was told by my boss to clear most of my things b4 gg for my reservist nxt Mon.. Well I might not be able to blog 4 a long time I guess.. Army is always so troublesome..Only gg to defer till i'm able to go, end up must make it so tedious.. Most likely i'll have to really go thru the whole of the reservist le.. Though it doesn't seems to be very tough during this time's reservist, but its really disrupting many of my task on hand..My work, my studies etc..
well some1 sms me again claiming wanting to mit me tml b4 I went in army, but the sms just die thruout the rest of the day, wifout any piece of news.. I dun see any seriousness or sincerity in wanting to me mit at all..I really want to gif up completely le...It defeats the purpose of me only interested in sincere ppl. Shuang jiu sms, bu shuang completely ntg, I dun even wish to be frd wif this kind of person..
I went for the lesson, learnt topics on attitude.. the 1st half of the lesson I was feeling drowsy n slply.. oso checked that I can't do anything to my lessons.. think i'm gonna miss 4 lesson in total cuz of this army stuffs.. I paid for my lessons..Its so ex lo.. Army gonna paid back my fees? I miss impt lessons.. if can;t do well for the exams, I waste more $, is army gonna pay me..
I learnt something in the lesson, and just realised that I have got high dissonance in me.. Which is so unhealthy... meaning to say i'm always being placed in high dissonance by the people around me.. Must find ppl who doesn't cuz such high tension to my mental state, else I'm gonna suffer a lot.. which leads to depression..staying +ve is wat I must remind myself.. No matter how ppl reflect badly upon u, nv gif up on myself...There'll definitely be some1 out there who'll accept me willingly..
Go hm after tat, watch some tv, b4 washing up n slp..

bubbles of sadness.

*2:01 PM .

(10/11/08) Monday
Here I'm back..pouring my hearts out again.I'm really out of love le..(Shi1 Lian4). There's no more turning back, this time rd le, I guess so ba.. Well Mon I was so weak, the changing weather condition was so tough that it has weaken my body.. I'm sick terribly.. Forced myself to work cuz Mon was always the bz time for me.. Finally after work, I dragged myself back to sem, where I bought OCK 4 dinner to eat alone, as usual..
Since tml gonna take mc le, anyhow eat... Went to arcade to play alone.. Even asked Dingjie out to company me go lan shop.. while waiting 4 him,Awie came, so thank gdness, I got some1 to company me play kof wif..Wow..am I really too sick or my skills deproved le? I lost to him for quite a number of rds in random match..Well some1 suddenly sms me asking me abt the clinic's number.. Well of cuz I was being contacted probably due to this blog ba..ntg else.. I dun wish to think abt it anymore, abt thinking abt it 4 a very long time..
Since some1 has already moved on, i've decided to move on as well.. Finally ding come, n off we went to lan shop.. I went ahead to complete my story..was playing n playing beat up 6k, but its too hard to pass the requirement..200 combo, 200k score for 5 rds.. Then some1 came in to the audi n asked me to play tog.. hmm so end up I went to play wif her of cuz.. I blame myself 4 being soft hearted each time tat some1 talked to me..I shld have reminded myself, how heartless this some1 was, when the times she completely throw me aside all the time..
Finding me only when the mood comes.. Wan find jiu find, dun wan find, jiu completely disappear wifout a trace.. since she can do so, y can't I? I hate my weaknesses..I dun wish to be taken advantage of by others all the time..I shld have harden my heart as well, since she can do so, y can't I? Treating ppl like rubbish..Dun wish to say le..I hate entertaining insincere ppl.. Anyway ard 12am plus, me n ding went off le..

(11/11/08) Tuesday
I wake up early to c a doc.. She sms me to wake me up.. Again the same old thing.. Think liao really mad.. Shuang treat me nice a bit, bu shuang everything's gone. She expects others to treat her nice all the time, wifout fail but she herself, nv even do things to mit her own expectations, yet demand so much from others.. This kind of treating ppl according to own mood, of cuz is not consistent n still expect others to recognise then when the bad times offset the gd tat she has did..
Speaking it all out, makes me feel better..I have enough of these sufferings le..I won't 4get all those heartless things u done to me.. I will rmb them by hard n it aids me moving on fast.. How many times have u turn ur back against me? Fortune teller oso say le.. This r/s won't last.
Yea its true.. I shldn't let such r/s affects my life, affects my studies n other things..I deserve a better gf..enough of these nonsense le.. Anyway after doc, I went to try the kfc breakfast.. Hmm not bad I must say, but seems quite ex to me.. After which, I went to chambers to find will..I continue play my story but was happy to cross it.. btw due to my illness, I 4get which is which le.. I have passed my licence in at 1 try, n i'm Main le..My audi char has reached lvl 31..
Then I went to buy a mac spicy burger to it.. sad, as I was intending to watch bleach, I dropped my burger accidentally on the floor.. I tried cleaning up the place n I actually ate the bread.. of cuz I tried cleaning off the dirt as well.. Not really very dirty, but I think its not a wise decision..my stomach feels weird after eating tat mc spicy down my stomach.. Then ard 3pm +, quit lan, n company wil to eat his lunch..
After which play an hr of card game wif him n I lost another 20 bucks to him.. now lose him 45 le.. Sian..partly its oso becuz i'm slply due to the medicine.. Mind wasn;t working well though.. of cuz those exchg in sms were really in vain.. I have been trying to initiate sms, but since the reciprocation wasn't enthu, I noe the interest is no longer there le.. Some1 was just trying to lead me on again.. thanks to tat asking 4 clinic no sms, which makes me soften again..
To think that I was thinking of whether i'm able to mit her again, but apparently nope. I have done my part le.. I reach hm n even took a nap. I tried calling her but she didn;t even bother to ans.. I called her hse, her ppl at hm told me she's not at hm.. So where else can she be? Obviously outside wif ppl lo.. If its her frds, think she will ans or reply me, despite me smsing her n calling her so many times..(cuz wed she even told me where she was n tells me she went to watch coffin wif joey, but this nite,completely no news) i'm not stupid.. obviously, she's seeing some1 le..
Leo are like tat de ba.. Looking at wil, I oso no le.. After breaking up, the other half can change partner as though chg clothes like tat.. Yet the egoness n pride does not allow them to let ppl say their nasty sides.. Other ppl do the same, means the person is completely wrong, ownself do, they dun fault themselves at all, n still fault others tat its others fault that lets them chg partners etc.. There'll nv be once where they'll admit their own mistakes..
Anyway its not the 1st time this person do this behind my back. Even if tat time we were tog, such incidents oso do happened.. Its not the 1st time anyway le.. She can move on, I shall not stick myself to this piece of junk r/s anymore.. its worthless n so invaluable le.. I shall oso move on to find my own happiness.. find a ger who's worth my love instead.. Anyway 4 the rest of the nite, I stayed at hm, watch animes, bleach n nodame, then reitre 4 bed..

(12/11/08) Wednesday
2nd day of my mc, suppose to rush to army in the morning, end up overslp.. I wake up at 1pm.. rush everything I reach army at 2pm.. It was a wasted trip I would call it.. freaking army, freaking medical officer etc.. They were obviously out to play a fool out of me.. This MO claims that the system now doesn't allow them to gif excuse ICT, hence I have to go to my own camp to seek for deferrment, wifout black & white..
Ok I went there, obviously i'm not allowed to defer my ICT, cuz there's no proof.. Hence, I was told to report to ICT on the 1st day, then request 4 deferrment again... If my commander allows me to do so, I can defer, else i've to stay thruout the reservist 4 2 weeks.. Recently wat's wrong in my life??Everything seems not smooth at all..now I'm having trouble in r/s, at work, army, army affecting work, army affecting studies, my studies affected, I failed my exams last yr, my health was down, my frds all dunno wat happen, giving me probs, everything seems so down..
if i'm suffering from super depression, I think I really abt to hav the symptoms le.. How? I read abt an article lately.. Ppl suffering from depression have the tot of ending their own life.. There's really time I really feel like ending it fast.. how? I must quickly seek cure, to prevent me from thinking abt such things.. else really gonna do foolish things le..I'm already so low le, yet this some1 still kips driving me like mad.. pick me up n drop me again n again.. hate ppl leading ppl on..
I've found my new name on the dictionary le.. Think i'm so unpopular, really is becuz of my name ba.. the proper hanyu pinyin for my new name is qi3 xuan1.. Its written in old chi char, no wonder can;t find in the dictionary.. Since I noe le, I must begin preparation to chg n activate my new name.. In time to come, the old Hong yilun will disappear n a new born Hong Qixuan will show up.. Hmm but its seems so china hor? How? I scare I chg my name le I regret cuz it sounds weird actually...
Well so now, everything's not prepared.. I have even prepare the things for army, n I dun even have time to go to E-mart (army shop) to buy the necessary stuffs, esp the tiger batch to be sewn to my uniform.. sian lo.. work place I haven;t even inform them abt the reservist.. besides wat abt my studies? I paid for my sch fees..Only lucky thing was.. an elderly lady there, pass me the tiger batch for me to bring hm..
Feeling so lost, the only person I managed to contact was wil.. Once again, he company me during my down times again.. of cuz, I have to go all the way to sem to wait 4 him.. I bought some OCK food to eat n even buy drink at rockery..begin play some arcade.. played mj, oso lose.. played kof 98, the machine spoil, n the guy repaired 4 me, but dun refund me credits.. wil came, we headed down to play snooker..
I enjoyed myself a lot, felt relieved.. win him in the snooker by 7, though I paid extra 1 4 the table $..After which, went to mos to hav our dinner.. Well Ser went to catch movie wif joey.. I have already take the initiative le.. I went to the bus station to sent her off far from her sight.. but since she made no move, I leave the place wif wil after the bus arrive.. Yes I have decided to move on le..

bubbles of sadness.

*10:41 AM .

Monday, November 10, 2008

(9/11/08) Sunday
Sunday le.. Also her day where she return to singapore. Anyway I oso dunno what time she's returning. Think its nite time ba.. Obviously enjoying herself lots.. Anyway, its time to mit wil n ben for cards session.. I'm still very sick.. Drag myself up n was late 4 the mtg.. suppose to mit 1.15 at sem mrt wif wil..end up I woke up at 1.03am.. So anyhow dress myself, I was preparing to leave the hse when my mum actually cooked noodles 4 me to eat..
so mit wil late.. gg to cine to mit ben, so I was thinking of wearing slippers n trackpants down de, but not very gd la.. so end up force myself wear jeans n dress abit proper a bit shabby, but didn't style my hair at all.. we were 45 mins late mtg ben.. met him at cine bk.. As usual we played our usual games.. hmm after 1 whole rd, headed to eat dinner.. though starting i'm winning much, end up after dinner I start to lose le..
Hmm no gd to play games when i'm sick.. always lose de.. think wil is the biggest winner again.. he started off owing each of us 20.. end up the amt turn up to be, ben lose 3 to me, and 1 bucks to wil.. tat's all..so which means I lose 17...it was 9.30pm when we stopped our game.. Then after tat, we headed hm as nxt day got work...on train, I regretted playing wif wil lo..end up from marina bay to sem, I owe him 25 bucks..
Then off I headed hm.. Hmm so late le..She cfm reach hm le ba.. I reached hm, dun even feel like doing anything.. just wash up and off to bed I go.. Finally finish my blog until ytd.. I won't be blogging tml I guess, cuz I'll be seeing a doc n take mc.. Wed i'm gg to the army appt to settle my army stuffs again.. Thursday then i'll be back to work.. but i'll try to blog if I have the time at hm tml or wat...tat's all 4 now.. though I can;t be wif the woman I love, I wish tat she manage to find her own happiness...as I noe she'll be happier wifout me..

bubbles of sadness.

*5:51 PM .

(8/11/08) Saturday
Time past fast.. very soon will be 2yrs le.. All those incidents will be buried by other memories along the way.. I wonder how to move on fast like her.. Perhaps I shld chg my view point, be a self centered person.. So i'll be able to move on as fast.. Say go, just go.. Tat'll be easier on my side as well.. Then expose myself to other new friends and start to noe other ppl, just like her.. like tat I can oso keep myself occupied...
I wake up quite late.. laze ard.. my rite foot was giving me prob again.. I couldn't walk well.. think last nite playing snooker stand too long le.. So the foot is giving me prob wi fthe pains.. Getting better a bit, I fixed the new monitor my uncle has brought to our hse, and wait 4 the old com to load finish.. while doing that, watch vcd, Feast and eating lunch.. finally the com is ready to use..
Actually did ntg much oso, but just c mails, all the other things etc.. then its time to prepare to the k buffet le..Well have argument with nel over the ppl who's gg 4 the buffet.. I'm quite sick lately of such issues.. Hmm seems like ntg is right these days.. Even frds ard me, weren't understanding at all.. initially, this sat was originally planned to go out wif my jc bro already.. Last sat he put my airplane cuz of stg else..he made up 4 it this sat..
So the activity 4 this sat, was supposed to be, morning company him go to plaza sing 4 the model shoot out, while I ask my questions.. Then afternoon movie, evening k buffet.. So end up morning n afternoon activity was changed..but the nite activity is still on.. but nevertheless, the activity was planned a week ago.. As 4 nel, he asked me few days after the activity, which I replied him that i'm mtg 4 bro 4 the above activities (at tat time he ask, the activities were not changed by my bro), and if he wan sing k, I suggested K buffet, asking him to join us.. He says anything, and ask me to ask kit n kw if they are ok wif the k buffet, which normally is due to the pricing..
I did wat I could and finally all agreed.. but come this day, nel actually blamed me 4 bringing my bro along.. Hmm tat's y the argument start..i'm even too sick to raise n argument but I just stated the truth tat i'm not in the wrong as i'm originally planning to mit my bro le.. besides.. both are my frds.. y must he make things so difficult, instead of trying to be understanding?Seems like those not in this circle of frds de, must all outcast.. I just felt so terrible..
Nevertheless the outing still went well eventually...hmm ate quite full during the buffet until every1 like can;t sing like tat.. The food to me is ok, but of cuz I still find the best is kuishinbo buffet le..discover stg.. didn;t noe kit can sing quite well, but he can only sing eng songs. As 4 kw, think he's shy ba..so his voice can;t open up I guess.. the rest of us, dun nid to say, cuz i'm singing wif them, when I go k box, other than wif her...
Each of us paid 37 bucks 4 the buffet..Ex hor?cuz its weekends..tat's y..After the k box, we went to play awhile of kof b4 my bro send us to yck mrt station by car..Cuz he's mtg his frd there ba, tat's y he can send us there.. Past by her hse along the way..This is the route where I was there so frequent thru out the past 1 yr +.. Seems so famailiar, yet so dist to me now.. the path seems cold and misery to me..
After tat, we took mrt to sem, b4 I headed to lan shop alone.. the rest of them go to somewhere near to play psp..I'm lucky I got my gd com at lan..So carry on my story mode, club dance 1..3 hearts, no bad in 5 rds.. I play until quite frustrated cuz the partner I got, was like.. no mo qi..or either, not gd 4 me.. I keep perfecting, the other always get great..some more the songs weren't tat fast either..
struggling wif 2 more rds, until my bro even came home n luckily he play female acct to help me..took me so many hrs b4 I can finally complete the story.. oso cuz no ppl play club 1 nowadays ever since club 2 came out.. sian lo.. finally I get my new story, next will be beat up 6k..the other req I 4get le, but i'm glad this story I can play alone, wifout having the trouble ot invite ppl.. But it was already 4am +, close to 5am le.. so much 4 the club dance story..
Hmm know a hairstylist working from hm in audi.. 33yrs old, married wif 3 kids.. she was the 1 who helped me wif 2 wins during the club dance b4 my bro came in to help.. She lived in bukit punjung, near my 2nd sis's hse.. So nxt time, me n my bro will pay her a visit to cut out hair.i'm out of hairstylist again..so if the skill is gd, will make her as 1.. She'll give us her name card when we go.. if gd, I can recommend my frds too...Call it a day ba..

bubbles of sadness.

*4:40 PM .

(7/11/08) Friday
As i'm really not feeling well, I shall just blog casually..Fri, endure thru out work.. Had fruits 4 lunch alone.. Listening to music from my hp, while sitting down by the river side, along Boat Quay,looking at the scenery.. I'm stoning to be exact..Finally after work, headed down to amk hub to mit wil.. I'm early, so went to walk ard at shops..got many necessities need to buy le.. Shoes worn out soon, office wear, etc..
Finally he come and he company me to eat dinner at Mos..Then we headed down to play cards snooker.. It was terrible.. Playing when i'm not feeling so well.. ulcers, throat unwell, flu, block nose, headache etc... lost quite a lot to wil of cuz..but luckily it was only the beginning.. but I managed to win back..We had a slight argument towards the end..esp the last game..cuz I find it unfair.. but anyway, to be able to win at the end, when thruout the game, I lost terribly..
It was very late, hence the idea of gg to the lan shop was dropped.. Headed hm prepare n rest instead..tml will be k buffet...i noe she left 4 macau already.. will be back on the 9th.. but, anyway, its all over le..No use brooding abt it anymore..

bubbles of sadness.

*3:49 PM .

Friday, November 07, 2008

(6/11/08) Thursday
Well it was a sick day for me.. I was so sick that I'm not able to concentrate on my jobs.. I was almost half an hr late for work, an its raining heavily.. Bad weather to start with.. other than tat, the whole day at work, i'm feeling cold, esp on my hands, and my head hurts a great deal.. pressing all the parts on my face.. is like.. omg.. y does it hurt so much? Hence I drop the idea of gg to sch...
well so after work, headed back to sem..i'm not able to stand thru out the journey, so I took the train to marina bay n got a seat n nap all the way to sem.. The journey was terrible..Besides, I tried calling every1 I could to have dinner wif me so I can take my med, but nobody was there.. so I decided to try my luck at the arcade.. yes, I found awie playing drum there.. so ask him to company me to eat..
But..cuz he's a malay, says, not much choice in sp to eat, he oso dun wan to eat mac, hence the only available options is kfc, non-halal.. hence my tot of gg to foodcourt eat the yong tau hu vanished.. but of cuz la, appreciate his company, so I dun complain so much.. even though my throat is not feeling very well.. I guess i'm too heaty le? I oso dunno.. Went there, I dun dare eat 2 piece chicken, so I took the cheesy melt, like pizza meal.. buy pepsi n put salt to drink.. my ulcer hurts a lot..
After tat, he chat lots of stuffs there.. talk many kinds of things..so funny..nv expect got so many craps to talk abt.. but anyway, he teach me lots of things on the internet.. cuz i'm a computer idiot who only noes how to play game n other simple stuffs.youngsters nowadays..getting computer smart..btw, he's only 16, not yet pass bd this yr.. currently yr 1 in RP. Well didn't noe that he's working at AMK hub cathay this yr jan to july.. I go there frequently to catch movie, didn't even saw him..
And btw..now I noe how complicated inside the Cathay organisation.. Dun say much, but nevertheless, Cathay's popcorn taste the best. Oso 1 thing...My misplaced nebo card, is actually inside the manager's rm.. they actually found it after some time when I lost it.. To be actual, its not I lost it, but is the cashier didn;t return my nebo card n I 4get abt it.. Awie actually saw it in the manager's rm..but he dare not take it 4 me, cuz he's not sure he'll see me or not.. anyway, the card think expire le ba..
After tat, ard 10pm, drag my tired body hm.. Laze ard n catch dvd, Phantom of the Opera..Wow its still so fastastic to me. Love to watch such musical.. However, its kind of disappointing where at very scenes, the dvd wasn't playing smoothly in 1 or 2 secs.. sian lo..tot dvd quality shld be better? Only play 1st time, the movie got such problems..However, still love the movie lots.. However, hmm just find that the phantom's voice not very nice as compared to the original singer..call it a day after tat..

Side Tracks
Some side tracks away from ytd's event. This morning, I woke up, very comical think actually happened.. Hmm it clearly shows tat i'm really sick le.. I was bathing in the moring after waking up, preparing to work. When I was preparing to brush my teeth, I actually take my pearlie white mouth wash solution and pour it on my toothbrush.. then I close the cap back n take the toothpaste.. My toothpaste is supposed to open up the lid, but I go n open the toothpaste, just like how I open the lid of the mouth wash bottle.. Tat's kind of so blur..
It could oso be due to daily routine when u do this step n tat step when u do certain things like bathing..Then suddenly there's a mixture in the actions n everything go haywired..Another thing about my plans which i'm gg to do after work later, but now its changed!!!4 this entire week or rather this few weeks.. all my plans just isn't smooth!!.Supposed to plan at nite play cards b4 gg to bro's hse to play mj tog till nxt morning..
End up now, my bro says he's sick..mj cancelled.. Then ben just called me earlier n says, he's oso sick, so since no mj, he oso dun 1 play cards le.. Hmm then how? Zzz I'm gonna do wat again?Everytime last min de lei... of cuz this time can't be blame la.. cuz they are sick.. But anyway..Always like tat n i'm really getting frustrated.. Now back to single life le, oso cannot? What's wrong wif me or rather wif fate or cursing n swearing dunno wat?
I oso dunno who to curse.. curse fate for letting me mit such a kind of love? Bringing me misery.. Then fate wants me single again..ok now i'm single, then the ppl ard me starts to disappear.. I have been spending my entire day at work, 5 days a week alone, dunno how many evenings a week I have been spending by myself.. My internal balance seems super off lo.. Now fate seems like its not happy wif me 4 being single.. Every1 ard me happen to just disappear like tat.. Hmm so now wat? Want me to go socialise more is it?.. Nv say die!
In addition, bro oso says he no $ this month, so sat's shooting he plans to postpone it.. Wa.. again changes.. tot he says after shooting movie, then go k buffet? Now change again..besides, nel, kit n kw's k buffet on sat oso not confirm zzz..kw nv gimme his reply, but i really appreciate Kit for telling me he's cfm wif the k buffet!nel, hmm..in camp, so can't be helped.. but its he who ask me to ask the rest..its really so hard to organize things wif ppl who are so UNCONFRIMED. It just turns me off. Once in a while still ok lo, but its all the time.. Tat's y i'm cursing n swearing now! If fate wants me to mit anybody, be it gf to be ,love or frds or anything, let me mit SINCERE ppl who are true to me!!!Feeling sick n irritated plus frustration inside of me now.. shall stop here..

bubbles of sadness.

*12:17 PM .

Thursday, November 06, 2008

(5/11/08) Wednesday
Yesterday was an alone day for me. During work, i'm working alone. Halfway thru at ard 3pm+, I rush of to orchard taka, ofc tower B for the Briefing.My agency is closing down? But a new agency will be taking over ba.. So just went there alone for the briefing.. Gladly, ard 5pm+, the brief ended n I can release le.. Couldn't think of any place to go, so went back sem instead.. Lots of things were spoilt le.. My leather shoe, and i'm lack of office clothes to wear.
Hence I went back to sem to look ard.. hmm those shirt cost very ex at Jazz collection, though some seems nice, but i'm actually considering tailor made shirts, which just fits my size.. becuz all my current shirt, is either too big or too small for me.. too small but I like, too big, yet its too crumpled..looks very untidy when I wear it..After tat I went alone up to foodcourt, cuz my ulcer is really too painful n my lips are extremely dry..
since i'm early at sem, so there's quite a no of place to seat, then I scout through a new store, just go buy teppanyaki and eat.. Hmm so so only ba... after tat, went to take bus to lan shop by myself.. went there n got my usual com V72.. Went there to do my story, 1-2 party..After training, I managed to pass le.. my story is crossed but the nxt story was tough.. Beat up 4k, with 100 combos n getting at least 2nd place wif 4 players.. need to complete for 5 rounds.. the tedious part was inviting ppl..
Where will ppl play Beat up 4k when they were so pro in 6k, fast songs n can even chance.. luckily few kind souls inside help me cuz they were bored.. all were strangers who dunno each other..Finally after some hard times, I managed to pass.. the last rd, i'm lack of 1 player, my bro pm me, just nice, hence he came to my rescue too.. n finally I passed.. get the nxt story which I only pass once out of 5 rds.. it was club dance 1.. I need to open a rm n invite the players in, and cpl wif my partner n get 3 hearts, wif myself not pressing a single bad..
I was 'lucky' tat nite, cuz there's oso a cpl doing the same story as me. He even called a pair of his frds to help.. just nice plus me, my bro chg to female acct to pair wif me.. However, what i'm lack was, a gd cpl who can sync wif me.. my bro isn't really able to sync perf wif me as he has prob getting perf.. So played a few rds, only managed to pass 1rds, wif me short of 4 more rds.. the other pair was funny,scolding here n there, didn't get any wins..
It was very late le.. So ended up leave the story behind to do nxt time ba.. call it a day n headed 4 hm late at nite..feeling too sick le, even now when i'm blogging.. my hands were icy cold even when I type..Head was heavy n painful even when I touch my face.. think i'll miss tonite's class n go hm rest ba.. anyway still have dvd haven't watch..This is a bachelor's life.. fate will comes for the rite woman who is willing to merge her world wif mine..

bubbles of sadness.

*4:29 PM .

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Your lovescope for November 5, 2008

The desire to explore your spirituality together could come over both you and your love partner right now. The two of you might take some classes, or plan trips to places such as Israel, Egypt, or India, or simply have a lot of interesting discussions together. This is a pivotal time in your relationship. You'll probably grow closer because you're learning and growing together. Enjoy!

Comments: What enjoy? Its directly the opposite now n i dun have a partner right now!

bubbles of sadness.

*1:55 PM .

(4/11/08) Tuesday
Yesterday was a dull boring day.. Went to work..then go to sch.. Some1 sms me out of sudden after disappearing for so long..Then disappear again.. Hmm something which i'm not please with in terms of such kind of communication..shuang reply, bu shuang disappear. Then pop out again.. Like bored u reply tat person, not bored, then disappear wifout any trace..
I would not like to have such kind of gf would treats me wif no respect and unimportantly..dun wish to talk abt this issue.. Went to sch but luckily this time, i'm not alone.. My yr 1 sim frd, Stuart just switched from a subject to MSM, cuz he dislike the lecturer. However, the full time classes was full, so he can only take part time and it happens to be in my class. So attend the 1st lesson wif him..
After the lesson, go hm, laze ard, watch tv wif mum, ask her abt some china history abt the different dynasty sequence, then do some leg-lift n push ups b4 gg to bed.. Wasnn't feeling well again.. having very dry, burnt lips, and even got 1 ulcer le.. its so painful.. plus sinus which is always there.. having a cold headache last nite.. terrible things please go off as soon as possible..
Almost 4get, Stuart suggest something about creating own portfolio for modelling for free, under a forum.. Where they need models, then after shooting, they'll give a copy of the shoots in return for free.. Then I can slowly consolidate all the shoots into a portfolio.. This is 1 consideration I can made, other than paying $ to create a portfolio which have some form of risks.. However, the benefit is I dun have to find client by myself, unlike the free portfolio where I need to find clients by myself..Sat I go to the place with my bro, where he's gg shooting, i'm gonna ask detail questions to aid my considerations..

bubbles of sadness.

*11:24 AM .

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

My Tarot Reading for Today

It looks like you will find it difficult today to communicate with the people dearest to your heart, yilun. It's almost as if you were paralyzed by some fear and could not bring yourself to face other people. Well, it must be the High Priestess and Temperance who are causing this emotional blockage. But it is a real shame, as this shyness might come between you and a promising new relationship. Why don't you try to overcome this fear and open up - it isn't a hostile world out there! At work, reflection takes precedence over action. You give priority to analysis, strategy and wisdom, spending time alone to reflect on the options open to you. This behavior may seem unadventurous to some of your colleagues, but it will help to guarantee the success of your ventures. So don't let yourself be browbeaten by those who would have you take rash decisions.

bubbles of sadness.

*4:10 PM .

Your lovescope for November 4, 2008

The need to be out and about, probably by yourself, could be rather wearisome right now. You're probably longing to be at home, with your significant other by your side. Home should be a wonderful place today - which means you're apt to appreciate that much more what little time you spend there. There could be temporary separations between you and your beloved - but remember the keyword is "temporary."

Comments : Really? Hmm...

bubbles of sadness.

*3:52 PM .

(3/11/08) Monday
Boring work starts again.. Well I was bz throughout the morning at work and oso juggling abt my army matter.. I find my drawer, but the excuse later previously, wasn;t there.. So I was not able to be excuse for the coming ICT.. many headache issue arises.. and I have been calling my army many times.. being referred to here n there.. I called Jurong medical centre to have my excuse letter amended by was referred to call back to my own unit.
I called my own unit, I was referred to the medical dept.. then the dept there was having meeting..until after lunch then can call back.. so through out the day, I was on the phone.. Well finally after lunch I called the medical dept, they referred me back to the front desk.. Then I called back medical center n managed to get another appt on nxt wed, 12th Nov, b4 my ICT, else i'll really have to go ICT le..
Troublesome!!! Then on wed, after the medical appt, I have to submit personally the excuse letter down to the unit.. GG to waste my last day of leave just cuz of this stupid army matter.. I'll be gg alone this time.. Then while on the phone, notice some1 called me thru other source, but I can;t see the phone number but I noe its not from my company ext.. So I tot it was Ser.. but of cuz I clarify n it was not cuz only she noes my direct line at work.
Then this ben hor..called him ask him watch movie, he say dun wan..end up last min call back again n say ok..So we mit at 6.30pm at doby ghaut.. we went to buy ticket.. I dun have the Now card, but luckily its weekday so nets oso can.. Then this ben hor.. oso 1 of a kind.. ask me company him eat dinner, end up he eat himself wif his frds.. so I just pop by the thailand dim sum restaurant at Cathay to eat..
Then headed to watch Saw V. Hmm its so gruelsome as usual n the games n traps set up was so unbelieveable.. to think they can think of such creativity.. but it was gruelsome n maniac.. i'll give it an 8/10 for the movie.. After tat, cuz I had a not full dim sum but ex place..i bought cupcorn to eat n we play cards tog.. play until 11.30pm, only win ben 5 bucks only..zz waste my time.. at 1st he win me a lot b4 movie, end up after movie I win him a lot, but he manage to recuperate till 5 bucks b4 we left..
Oh ya, b4 I call it a day, I did my MsM assignment 1 during work place too.. So its work, studies n phone calls.. Bz day!.

bubbles of sadness.

*12:37 PM .

(02/11/08) Sunday
Finally its Sunday..Expected my jc bro nv sms me.. its only until 4pm + then only he sms me. I spent my time at hm, cleaning the com table, cuz my mum says, my uncle is gg to bring a monitor 4 me to use temporary until I get a better com.. but dunno when he'll bring me..So I wash up after tat n called my bro..Ended up he was playing audi.. and I ask him whether he's still gg or not..expected he says he's too tired so not gg..
of cuz I was annoyed n irritated..my tone wasn't pleasant n he sensed it ba, so he keeps apologising n I feel better a bit.. he promise me nxt week, after the shoot out, we'll go movie n k buffet as a make up.. ok so I mark his words. Hmm the gd thing abt him was, though he make me so hot, he feels sincerely apologetic 4 the unhappiness he caused me.. n when he promise me, he'll do it.. So ok, I gif him a chance n c how nxt weekend.But of cuz, such thing happen many times, sorry would seems uncurable soon..
End up I have to made my day alone.. I called nel out n to make myself happy again, we go to country manna to eat something nice.. nel after eating, goes back to army..Country manna moving off soon, so eat b4 it leave SP.. After bidding farewell to nel, I headed down to lan shop by myself to play audi again.. cuz really ntg much I can do alone.. I was planning to play until 11plus or wat b4 gg hm..
ended up cuz of many things keep coming up, I stayed till ard 2am? Wow nxt day still got work leh.. Well 1st was, I was hoping rm play beat rush.. then end up saw a Fam named Deunknown..The head of the guild recognise my nick, so offered me to join the Fam.. Hmm I was pondering a while, since its the 1st time I was invited, I agreed.. Then I was told to undergo 3 tests..
3 songs.. 1st song was...swan lake? 30 perf. I make it wif 35. 2nd song was Lie.. 25 perf..but the 1st attempt I only hit 22.. re-take 2nd time, I got 30 perf instead.the 3rd test was You, 30 perf, and I got 39? can't rmb.. Of cuz there's no chance needed, and the test is only chereo..so shld be easy.. Hence I was welcomed into the Fam.. After tat, I headed to do my story.. 1st few attempts, dunno y like got bug.. I pass the story, but nbtg happened..
The story i'm stucked 4 so long was to created a rm n pass couple dance 8k wif above 10 hearts n 1 winning finish.. So finally dunno wat happened, I managed to pass it.. So now i'm stuck on 1-2 party.. need to score 200k n above.. for 5 rds to pass.. Wa.. I was alone in the rm almost the whole nite.. playing lvl 1, 2, 3 songs but still can;t pass, cuz I was totally noob in this mode..
luckily a person enter the rm n teach me some songs which is easier.. Wa at 1st I even say cannot cuz its lvl 4 or 5 songs.. like so difficult..end up its easier.. its true!. The person was a stalker?Cuz I heard her say she has been noticing me playing alone all the time..wa..got such kind of ppl, ntg better to do, go c ppl? Anyway just joking n she's really a pro man..her nick was ----xWing?
At 1st I was thinking the nick seems familiar. Its my jc bro's ex gf?her nick was JustWingz? But end up dun think its her.. anyway she's pro in 1-2 party sia.. a kind soul offering me guidance.. she's a student haha..so dun be mistaken.. anyway evi, galspirit's frd come in n long time nv c me online le.. So come find me, then we play awhile, since so long nv play tog le..Then its super late, I rush back hm to rest..

bubbles of sadness.

*12:18 PM .

(01/11/08) Saturday
Hmm to blog was fast, the day for weekend is even faster..Its saturday, a new month.. Its not surprised that ppl can turn into a stranger, the moment they used to be closed but upon breaking up, its cold as ice. I experience it many times, though its not with many different gers, but on the same ger itself.. Another bad day again.. y? Meet new to watch Tropic thunder wif me, since nobody wanna catch it wif me..
supposed to go 4 the k buffet in the nite, but since nel was not feeling well, I fixed it wif my bro ray nxt day.. So today just went to SP play kof wif him, jim, kit, kw, etc.. play 4 a while, become play until evening... So we headed down to amk hub after tat to catch the movie.. Ding n duck join us to catch the movie.. Well b4 tat we headed to nebo to have our dinner? But I think end up only drink down there.. can't rmb wat we eat in the afternoon?
Nebo only drink water n play ding's psp cuz he got audition inside.. hmm its weird playing audi in psp..then movie starts.. well not a bad movie, quite funny at many times, but definitely not the best comedy movie, 7/10.. oh ya, I said it was a bad day, so end up now then I rmb y we end up playing arcade till evening time le.. we actually went to kfc to have our lunch n I just order the cheese melt, like pizza like tat..
wa, when the person bring the food over, it actually topple out the food onto the tray, which is unhygenic of cuz.. so the guy actually went inside to replace it..but I'm not sure he replace the food or not, or just go inside, put the food back inside the box n bring out again? Zz..ok then as we headed to the mrt station, I settle my credit card bill, and draw 500 bucks from my posb n was abt to deposit inside my UOB bank..
OMG..i notice my UOB Now Card was missing in my wallet!!.i dunno where it has gone to.. I went all the way to where I went..but didn;t found it..sian lo.. ytd I just use it to purchase the ticket de.. end up dunno where it has gone to.. was it inside my wallet all along?ytd lost it or today? Paranoid, I went back hm to search 4 it, b4 calling UOB to cancel the card..then it will send me another card in 5 working days time..
sian lo..tat's y I said its an atrocious weekend.. tat's how we ended up playing at arcade as nel, ding n duck wait 4 me at the arcade while I go hm search 4 the card.. Then the movie costs us 10 bucks each..cuz only 1 have the discount card, but it was missing.. Curse and swear... after the movie, duck go hm, while the rest of us headed down to lan shop to play.. luckily nv wait 4 wil, dilly dally, else we won;t have com to play..
I was lucky that the VIP com 72 was empty when I arrive.. so I headed down to play audi. Hmm now audi has season 2 le, And it was a great pleasure 4 me.y? Cuz all my favourite songs from the past has returned back! Hmm saw my jc bro online n he recommend me a new game, call beat rush..Its quite difficult but fun to play. End up I win my bro n he was like sian of it..
Well play here n play there, until 1 point of time, my jc bro says he wanna leave hse when its already 2am.. to mit his frds? Wa.. he always like tat lo.. i'm really quite irritated by his actions lately.. I analysis is always rite.. me n my bro suppose to mit in the afternoon 4 movie to catch saw V, and k buffet in the evening time.. but he leave hse so late, dunno wat time he's gonna wake up.. end up he promise me say tat he can make it 4 tml..
ok anyway off he goes, I continue playing audi,playing my fav songs, hopping rm n there.. until wil say he hungry, wan go eat so all of us log off n headed down to chong pang nasi lemak to eat.. I dun wan eat too much, so I just buy some finger food to eat.. wa..the hygenie..was terrible..my sausage got a dead fly.. not housefly of cuz, but its so gross lo.. Anyway after tat we headed home...

bubbles of sadness.

*11:56 AM .

(31/10/08) Friday
It was another bad day.. Morning I had problem waking up. Supposed to wake up at 6.30am, but ended up its ard 6.50 then I wake up?or maybe later tat part.. Well mit wil ard 8am at sem mrt.. of cuz, if not 4 my treat, he won't be coming. Haha. Anyway still grateful 4 him.. Well but I told him a white lies.. Few very bad, but it takes all to make him company me there..The white lies is, told him my camp is at yewtee, but we end up gg to boon lay there.
He was like..zz. But nevertheless he still company me. However this is where I made a mistake..silly me.. I thought Jurong camp means its at Jurong.. So after alighting at Jurong Mrt, we headed to take cab.. Ended up, under peak hrs charge, n we end up headed to Boon Lay Mrt n all the way to Jurong Camp 2.. I was faked again.. I called the camp guy asking which camp was nearer, he told me, camp 1.. Still rmb tat time Ser company me, it was Camp 1, just tat I dunno abt it.. Anyway when the cab reached there, then I noe the scene is different..
The cab fare cost me a lot, cuz wil dun have to pay a single penny.. Reached there I already have a feeling gonna wait quite long, cuz I was almost an hr late 4 the appt, which is supposed to be at 8.30.. Initially, I tot wil can disguise as a regular to go in wif me..Ended up, he was oso denied at the guardroom, n he went to the vistor rm instead..But being a guy, I dun have to worry much, but it was diff at that time when Ser companied me..I was super worried that something might happened to her, cuz its a guys dominating place..
Hmm anyway this time was really bad.. I went in leaving all my belongings wif wil.. including my hp..it was silly of me.. And this was the longest I have ever waited inside the camp.. Silly me too, I 4get to bring my TTSH specialist letter from my workplace, n hence I try my luck coming.. I waited until 2hrs + until its my turn to go in.. there really ntg to do lo.. but the most pitiful is wil ba..cuz I made him wait outside.. however, he go hp n games to company him..i'm like staring at the wall?
Of cuz wil dun have to wait like siao outside, if he didn;t have to company me, hence he really deserve the treat from me.. I'm really grateful for his company..feel sorry abt it too.. Ok when I finally enter, the stupid Medical Officer, was like so impatient like tat.. I got no letter for him, he was intending to upgrade me back to my pes status.. So he just anyhow gimme an excuse letter for 3 more months n wait 4 medical board to gimme my status again..
After gg out n waiting 4 another 1hr+ or so,the excuse letter then only arrive..this time cuz I got no doc letter, I wasn;t given excuse ICT..oh no..my ICT is from 17th Nov to 28th Nov, how leh? Along the way, I call my camp n yes I'm having lots of trouble. I need to have a formal excuse LCT letter then only I can be excuse.. I dunno whether I still have it or not, the past excuse letter I have..so have to wait till Mon go to ofc n search 4 it..Worst is I dun get MC for gg army..wasted a day's leave..
Well, put tat aside until I update the Mon's blog. So after appt, we took a cab down to Boon Lay n we had our lunch there.. fickle so long, then only decided to eat kfc, since long time nv eat le..Besides its my treat, so I let wil decide wat he wans..After eating, we headed all the way down to amk hub to buy movie ticket.. we intended to watch coffin, since wil insisted, so we catch it..
since we got some time left, we headed to number ball snooker as intended. Well I was very happy initially that my winning was coming back.. Ended up, zz AGAIN, I lost to him in the end.. paying extra for him.. hmm, so we headed to watch movie le.. “Coffin”.. Hmm can say that it was quite a scary movie of cuz.. Thailand horror shows are always scary de.. But this time its mixed with HongKong actor n actress. Think i'll give it 8/10 ba..
Well wil as usual is so frightened haha. I admit I was scared too.. After the movie, we headed down to cine to mit ben.. We were supposed to play card tog.. Well i'm glad my luck starts to come back in terms of cards game.. Well I from lose wil 20+ n losr ben 45, all the way played till ard 1am? It become, wil lose me 15. Then we headed to take nite rider hm n in the journey, wil play cards wif me again, until he lose total of 21 to me..call it a nite.

bubbles of sadness.

*11:15 AM .

(30/10/08) Thursday
I'm back to blog finally. Had a long but not smooth yet ntg much weekend..What a kind of English.. But this just shows that my weekend was atrocious.. But before that, I shall blog about the date above..Well had a bad argument last nite, and guess its over again.. Such incident wasn't the first time. When ppl just walk off like this, I won't be chasing behind, esp when its not my fault.. can't 4 once, lived tog peacefully, lovingly and happily..
This is the start of my bad day. I'm back to single life again..Cpl or single I oso dunno rite from the start. My status has been so complicated for the past 1yr+.. Can't I have a clean clear status?Single means single, attached means attached. Dun wan a r/s so complicated..At work, I did my ESAP assignment 1, to be submitted in the evening class.. Its really tough, having to juggle btw work n studies.. if only life had been easier 4 me..
Suppose to left early from work to rush to sch on time..End up dunno y, stayed last min to do some work b4 I can left the ofc.. lesson as usual is quite interesting, though not all the time interesting of course.. Can't really recall wat the lesson is abt le.. After lesson, I think I go back hm n watch Vcd which I bought, Underworld revolution. Luckily this time got subtitles..else its hard to watch if the sound is not loud..
hmm find tat vcd quality really no gd, or rather watching such kind of movie on tv, wasn't as great at the cinema.. The vampire king, fighting scene with the big truck, wasn;t as fascinating when I watch it in the cinema.. Anyway call it a day.. nxt day need to go 4 medical check up. Luckily Wil was so kind ot company me there..

bubbles of sadness.

*10:26 AM .

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