____________['[*Moments Sharing*]']___________

Updates for 25th Jan – 30th Jan 2010 Mon - Sat
(Start blogging on 30th Jan 2010 at 11.50pm)

Overall view

Hmm overall, it’s a very empty week for me, just for a few special activities like gg for to settle my MBS stuffs on Tuesday evening, settling something for my army stuffs on fri, and some special encounter during fri nite while playing cards wif wil n ben…until now, I am alone at mac, starting my blogging activities while listening to my songs..

Love

My love life is gg on a downslope worst than last week. Well though things are roughly the same old things, but there’s completely no happiness, not even the slightest bit at all this week.. There’s no warmth, no love, plain cold winter this week.. Actually this is so called the last week of the month where it could be the very last time for me to spend time with some1 I love, but since we have reached a stage of long term coldness, I used the off day on fri spending time alone instead, on the whole of daytime..

I have decided not to be a puppet of anybody anymore.. Yup for so long, I have always been treated like a puppet, used to fill up the emptiness in some1 else heart n when doesn’t need me anymore, can just say all sort of reason n dump me as usual.. Its not the 1st time actually, n being picked up n dumped countless of times until my heart is numbed… If a ger truly love me, I doubt she would do such kind of things to hurt me… We would really be happy tog n working things out thru all the hardships of the unsmooth reality of life, towards a warm n loving family in the future…

Instead, I was hurt n mistreated badly in this way for so many times… And furthermore, its hurting me this kind of way, which is extremely hurtful n painful, more than any amount I can say… Hmm Valentine’s Day is drawing near, seems like I’m gonna spend this yr’s v day by myself as well. Heard from ex tat, her niece can cele wif me, I am ok with the plan as well. If its confirmed, I shall have to make the necessary planning on the activities for the day, cuz a lot of things would be unavailable if no bookings were made.

Note: What do you think of a guy n a ger, be it on status or not on status, staying under the same roof? Well even if there’s anything or nothing happened at all, its still no difference from there’s something which happened…Extremely dejected… Well I bet on a sat nite, it would be the same as the fri nite as well…

Work

Work will have quite a number of things to fill up for this week. Tele marketing job is still resuming on this week, I really dread gg to work everyday n spend 8 hours on work, talking on the phone, calling overseas ppl, where we were like talking diff langs, esp when they dun understand eng n I dun understand their lang as well.. My throat gets quite bad actually, talking for so many hours…

I cherish my voice cuz I love singing, so very scared I hurt my vocal chords n I can not speak n become muted.. I tried drinking lots of water n herbal tea, as well as lozenges to soothe my throat, but seems like its not helping at all… Tues I have to go to Mountbatten Square to re-sign my employment agreement form, take a photo for my id pass, finger print n try out the size of my uniform. So I went on halfday, but since they need to settle something, I decided to stay in office until 2pm b4 I leave office for lunch n go to mountbatten at Kallang Area..

The appt was at 5pm, so I was early n decided to go to bugis to have my lunch, since after asking ben, there’s ntg to eat near Kallang Mrt.. Go bugis eat, at least still can go arcade there to play abit to kill time.. I ask feeling dejected having to eat my lunch alone, but was so lucky tat I met Sherman there, cuz he skipped his poly for the day n was waiting for his frds. So I pulled him along to company me lunch n arcade to play…

Hmm playing there was ok, cuz I nv expect to spend only a few credit n I made quite a number of wins, b4 its time for me to rush to Mountbatten. The briefing was supposedly 3 hours, but nv expect only took me an hour an its finished.. The only disappointing part was the uniform.. The shirt was golden yellow, silky type, pants is gray colour, so is the vest.. The only thing I’m satisfied was the vest…

Wed at work, my colleague on leave, so on left wif my boss.. She usually dun go out eat, cuz she’s very busy, so asked me to go outside n buy for her… Means its lunch alone again.. So I brought the 5 love lang book to company me while I am dining alone outside.. y I stated the book was cuz my boss notice the book n borrowed it to read.. So I let her do the quiz and she was more of the physical Touch person.

Then after which, spent the rest of the day talking n sharing our personal matters. Nv expect we can talk until so much.. Hmm her story was also quite sad, tat’s the reason y she so long still single.. Since I am not gg to disclose her identity, so I can mention her age here.. She’s ard 10 yrs older than me, means 36 this yr.. Her last r/s broke up around 5 yrs ago… their broke up was not cuz of a 3rd party, but it was cuz she initiate the break, which was supposed to be temporary for each other to cool down, while keeping contact wif each other, as they seem to encounter some probs in the r/s, which seems very hard to solve as a result of quarrels n stress built up..

However, its only a month’s time n this guy actually got himself a gf already.. So she was very heartbroken n I can understand her pain as I have exp tat wif my ownself as well.. The feeling at tat time for her, was so painful tat she doesn’t noe this kind of feelings, which was very new to her.. She realized it tat it was called depression…Total Depression, where ur heart feels so heavy, so soury tat u find it hard to carry on ur life normally.. U dun have appetite, u can’t chew n swallow ur food, u can slp, life was totally affected badly…

She’s also like me, took very long time to recover from a broken r/s.. But now she’s alright.. She was firm n hard hearted.. Glad for her tat she has recovered.. Thurs came, we headed out for lunch tog n the other colleague was back from leave, 33 yr old de.. they decided to have something ex for lunch, I was worried cuz I am on low budget, but cuz I dun wish to object them, so just head on wif them…

The restaurant was at IMM, can’t rmb wat’s the name of the restaurant, but it serves all kinds of food, got Chinese, western, thai, all kinds.. I ordered chicken cutlet set and it serves wif mushroom soup, ice-lemon tea, barley ginko dessert. It taste great! Worth the money.. After lunch, my boss was so eagered and ask the other colleague to do the quiz as well, ended up I can’t rmb wat was her love langs, though I rmb there’s 2 love langs for her…

Fri I asked for off already, so I nv go to work.. Yes I specially planned to spend it wif my love 1, but ended up I spend it alone… I supposed to have medical review in the morning on fri, as I have to postpone it until further notice from TTSH appt, so ended up got some matters cropped up, I have to call my own unit n have the appt postponed to end of March period..

Family

Also nothing much for the family side as well, just tat I have been home early on weekday nite to spend a bit of time wif my eldest niece n nephew, then just on Sat, cuz I spent overnite outside until Sat morning, so I slept from then until Sat afternoon, my 2nd sis come wif her husband n baby daughter to visit my mum. So I get to spend some time with my niece.

Health

Health wasn’t very gd as usual, I was so lethargic n as I have stated my throat is getting discomfort.. So was my sinus prob.. I have always been not in a very healthy status since young.. Will speak more about it in the friend’s section..

Friends

I have quite a number of things to blog about friends.. Its gonna be a long list on this section for this week..1st let me talk about my oversea friend, living in batam.. Well something happened between us, not the sexual kind or wat, but its something unpleasant or rather uncomfortable I guess.. Well she has been a very nice ger towards me, showing her care n concern when I needed it badly..

In return, I support her emotionally as well when she was facing her downs.. So far, there’s no friction or rather not much friction btw us, except the communication probs, which results in many misunderstandings.. Just 1 nite, cuz my heart was feeling very heavy n down, I can’t slp, which I think was a thurs nite, where something really very sad happened n I dun wish to say it here…

So she asked me wat’s the meaning of my sms as well as my msn nick, “a puppet no more”. So I begin to open up to her something about my ex.. as she keeps asking. Being the honest type I share wif her somethings and told her I am still missing her, thinking of her and haven’t gotten over her yet as I gave all my heart to my ex, when we were tog… Well she got emotional n was very unhappy…

Its where the tension starts… She said tat she felt tat I treated her as a substitute, to fill up the emptiness in my life… Well I told her honestly tat she is she, my ex is my ex, I treated every1 individually.. I dun used her to replace her temporary for my emptiness.. Otherwise I am no diff from her as well… I am not such kind of person.. So she just said she hope tat I am speaking the truth n she believes in me..

Well we are not even tog… she gave me a pleasant feeling, unlike the pains n hurt my ex gave me.. but she makes me feel as though she was my gf already n was like getting so worked up over this issue..as though I cheated her feelings while wif her n thinking n missing my ex… So I told her I was very unhappy about this and things got better after clearing the air.. So I just put this topic down until here…

2nd issue was my sim frd, Amanda, since she was gg to be my colleague soon, though at diff dept, she has lots of documents to fill up n settle. Since I have exp wif all these troublesome stuffs, so she came over to SP to find me after giving her tuition on Mon, to have dinner wif me n help her wif her doubts on the documents to fill up..

3rd was some1 which sends my heart shivers.. It was the vivo city incident tat haunts me each time I recall.. Well she send me msg, changed her msn add, asking me to add her.. she even called me but I just nv answered them.. Yup I am on withdrawal symptoms now, n distant myself from some1 I felt unpleasant n uncomfortable wif..

4th, some1 msg me online asking me to be friends with her.. Seldom got ger so initiative to approach a guy online to add as a frd… Well I looked at her profile, she confirm must be those kind like my 1st ex.. Not very high in education, have probs wif boyfriend, or just break up, heart felt empty then come n approach guys… Well being the tester, I replied her msg n yup all my guessing r true.. She works as sales like in outlets, bf just broke up wif her.. Cannot stand emptiness, so wan to be friend wif me…So I just as usual, help her wif a can, lending her a listening ear, she pour her story to me..

5th was meeting up with Jason Bear just now for dinner at kfc and chatting with kit after he comes back from his genting trip, before I start blogging. Well he told me space shot was down for maintenance, have a scary encounter at the haunt mansion n the Ripley’s believe it or not. He knew another frd named Serene and I wonder y this name has made me so sensitive and I ask him who is was haha.. I let kit do the love lang quiz n his was words of affirmation and physical touch..

Last but not least, on fri nite, I have a cards session wif ben n wil, until there comes 2 china ger coming to mac at around 4am plus. They were acting so funny tat it caught our attention. Ben finds them cute and told me tat they are his type of ger.. Wat’s so funny was they keep taking photos wif their hp.. Not those kind of normal taking, but acting cute… So exaggerating tat all angles also they take.. It kind of makes me feel disgusted, but ben just likes it.. Besides tat, they play until they spill 1 of the hot drinks on the floor.

So after a while, they signal out to me and ask me if they can join us for the cards game.. So I asked the group and they all agreed.. So we cancelled our game and they joined our table.. She beginning asking us whether we know this game, I dunno really noe how to describe, but it sounds really complicated.. Its like taidi, but in a different n more profound way to play, which only consist of 3 players per game.

After playing for a while, we pick up quite fast.. but after playing a few rounds, we started to talk tog. They spoke about their hometown and how they ended up here at sem, where their hostel is at aljunied area. They looked very matured but can’t believed tat their age were 15 and 16. Quite independent they are, coming here to study and their family were strict wif them.

So now they were kind of lost here, ended up at sem as they were here only barely a month. Then they started to talk abt a topic which interest me a lot. It’s abt palmistry n I was so surprise tat they noe a lot of such knowledge at such a young age.. At first I was very cautious about letting ppl c my palm, cuz who noes black magic can happened.. But after seeing how accurate they mentioned about ben n wil, I started to draw near to listen..

Then they asked for my palm..they c le n tell me many things tat was scary true.. I felt so naked n exposed as though they can c thru me.. So scary.. As usual I was very concerned about my love life, they said my love life is very messy, cuz I am caught up in a r/s, which I cannot 4get about the ger.. It is true.. So if keeps like tat, is not very gd for me, cuz if the ger is meant for me, she would be mine.

Then she said I am the kind hearted, honest n gd natured type. Gentleman, Xi4 Xin1, caring towards my love 1. Will cherish my love 1 well, but easily being taken advantaged of, made used by ppl.. So advice me to not put in 100% for a r/s, which I always throw everything out, and told me to keep 10% for myself nxt time.. As for how many children I’ll have, its not like children tat time, squeeze the palm area n c the wrist to c the no of child, but they see it at other place of the hand..

Then they look at my wealth, they say I dun have savings cuz I spend a lot on unexpected expenses, no matter how hard I tried to save, i just can’t save much, but I have a wealthy life in future.. From wat I c now, I dun find it true until future really comes.. The aura reader also said I am undergoing changes in my life now, I also dunno how true it is.. whether I really will be FU4 Gui4 or not.

As for my health, they said not very gd… ya its true.. though they nv say, but I always felt tat I am short lived.. cuz from young, my body very poor health…Sensitive nose, very easily sick de… Headache, sinus, flat foot, injuries here n there… The rest of the things, I can’t rmb much.. But they say I am very smart person..witted to be exact.. Then after which, their uncle have come to fetch them home wif the car, so b4 the left, they asked to exchange numbers wif us b4 they left.

Then now, I am at mac, they asked me to go out wif them, but I pushed them to ben haha cuz ben stay near them.. Lucky I nv go, cuz I noe cfm spend a lot of $. I told them I have something to do at mac, with my laptop, so can ask ben to company them. Heard they went to play pool at doby ghaut, wil went to join them after work. Of cuz they treated the pool game.

After which heard from wil tat they gg pub n wa.. wil is otw home n he called me haha. Cuz he tml got work, so he’s not joining them, but ben is bringing them there. I think its gonna be an expensive trip for ben. I’m glad I didn’t go! Ok time to watch a movie b4 I go home n call it a day..

(Stop blogging on 31st Jan 2010 at 2.14am)

bubbles of sadness.

*12:34 PM .

Monday, January 25, 2010

Updates for 19th Jan – 24th Jan 2010 Tue - Sun
(Start blogging on 24th Jan 2010 at 10.11pm)

Overall view

Well I am really feeling very tired lately that I dun really got the mood to blog.. Mentality as well as physically tired I am.. Anyway since life is about to go back to where I left off, I shall blog again as n when.. I dun really have the energy to blog from day to day basis, so this time round I just blog in the area of fields I am gonna say, in terms of categories in life…

Love

Well love life for this week wasn’t great at all. Though there’s some memorable moment for me to jolt down, it was very short lived.. the beginning of this week, it was a dreadful feeling, as something bad happened as usual to the old days.. Some woman in this world are really so scary, that it makes my heart shiver.. Can u imagine their heart can be so unsettled and wavering so easily at some small little things tat they can treat a person hot n cold, unbelievably fast. This week, I just experienced 2 colds n 1 warm..

The moment they spent time wif 1 person, they could really fall in love as though its so sweet n loving couple. The next moment they spent time wif the other, starting though is cold, but after some small gestures from the other, they start to soften n fall in love wif the other n treat the 1st 1 cold.. Tat’s not true love to begin wif..Still rmb when I was experiencing my true love in sec sch, my love for my first love was so strong tat no other woman is in my eyes, no other woman can enter my heart as it was filled completely wif my 1st love…

What I wanted to find in life, is someone who only sets her eyes on me, nobody else, but just me.. It would be a solid love, wifout other motive being wif me, in terms of my stability alone.. Looking for stability is no diff from just using $ to buy companionship.. Such kind of love is not wat I wanted.. My goals would be to have a warm n loving family in future, not a beautiful looking hse for others to see, but inside it’s cold winter cuz $ cannot buy true love…

Thurday nite was a very happy nite for me, I felt so deeply in love, in fact all the way stretched until fri nite, but I guess once the dream has awakened, everything just seem like a pack of lies… In actual fact, fri wasn’t something entirely happy for me, cuz I just experienced something dreadful, which I felt in the past. Can u imagine gg out wif some1 who have the heart of another? In the past, I experienced companying some1 to HDB to settle some housing matters, when the matter is not concerned abt me but other person..

This time round is of no diff.. I always received such kind of treatments, which deemed as low impt.. I am not a young children, I am still a human being.. Even though I may seem younger, I do deserve some form of respect as a human being, not to be mistreated like this… I have feelings too, some1 who truly loves me, would be able to spare a tot for my feelings as well.. Of cuz some1 who truly loves me, would nv occur in such a situation, as her heart already belongs to me alone, n mine, completely belongs to her…

Dun have to be tog, while wif another person where he deems so stable tat she needs him at the same time she needs me.. True love dun share ppl, or used 1 another to cover the emptiness which 1 cannot give.. Nobody is perf in this world.. U love the person, u love the person in 1 full piece.. I dun wish to be treated like a scrap cloth, used to temp mend the broken parts in the cloth..

Simple cuz the person u r wif, does not able to provide 100% u desire, using me to temp fill up the missing % in ur life has always been unfair to me… In the past, is always like tat, even present is still the same.. I am terribly heartbroken now, but anyway given this kind of situation I would nv consider to be wif such a person, as she cannot give the warm n loving family in future..

Haven’t even tog, already treat me like tis, even if tog le, it might even get worsen… I ought to consider tat in the past, but I nv does tat… Apparently I am always being considered as the last option when none of them works out.. Tat’s where we started tog, but in the end, when some1 enters, there goes everything n the usual things starts again.. This is too much for me to bear…

After tis terrible incident happened again, immediately the next day after the happiness moment, I really have to think abt it.. Have to be firm n not let anybody hurt me like tis once again.. I wan sincere ppl in my life, not making use of me for other reasons… n dump me after tat when I am no longer in need anymore…

Work

I begin my temp job at Jurong East Area, it was a dreadful 1.. I dun really like the job, cuz its tele marketing.. Already no choice but to do it, cuz I needed the cash to carry on waiting for MBS, but wats worst was, its not calling local ppl, but overseas.. I can’t imagine talking on the phone thru all the long at work..Work is not just only an hour or so, but it’s a long 8 hrs.. time would be hard to move on..

Imagine talking to strangers all over the world, some reception wasn’t very gd, their language n accents very hard to catch.. I have prob hearing well, what they were talking abt..But thankfully, I received a call from MBS n the news of them starting training have finally arrived.. It was a long 1 yr + of wait for my nxt full time job after dec 2008.. Training will commence 22nd Feb, but I have still not yet cleared my casino licence..

So because of this issue, I am still afraid tat I might get rejected.. So hopefully, when I get my 1st few pay, I need to clear my credit card debts 1st, so as to have ntg to stop my career path from flowing.. Stable job, ya, I dun wan to let ppl mock n look down on me, tat I dun even have a stable job.. So ppl left me cuz I dun have 1 stable job, leave by all means, at the very least I can noe true love or not..

Family

So far, family is quite quiet, ntg much to mention abt it, cuz its peaceful, there’s no argument or anything bad, neither were there happy moments as well…

Health

I think my health is starting to go downhill.. My head hurts even while blogging now.. I am feeling tired everyday.. Not able to have any strength to do anything.. I think partly was because I can really slp very well every nite.. I just wake up suddenly at all times.. Guess I have too much things in my mind tat cuz me to lose my slp… Some how only on thurs nite I can really have a gd slp tat I actually snored…

Well tired ppl are always like tat when u finally can slp soundly… Furthermore, snoring also occurs when nose is completely blocked n u have no choice but to slp wif mouth open. 1 person can not commit suicide by holding own breathe.. So naturally while in slping mode, when not able to breath thru nose, the mouth will automatically open to breathe in air…

Friends

Well only few frds to update. Sat was a day when ben comes down to play cards wif us.. Wil have work in the evening time, so meet them for cards game at early afternoon, played until 4pm plus he left.. nel company gf, so ended up the 2 of us were like rotting ard waiting for nel to come.. It was like ntg to do, so we try to find things to do like, playing his itouch games and gg to arcade to play games..

After which, Kit comes back from work so we headed to have dinner n chat for some time b4 nel called me at ard 9pm+ tat he’s coming over after sendin his gf off.. It was a long dreadful wait of 5 hrs.. When he came, we started playing when kit left home.. Well initially I was winning quite well, but as usual, when love prob strucks me painfully again, my whole life jus seemed like collapse..

I can’t function well, n I went straight to losing streak, cuz I wasn;t in the mood to play at all.. I even excused myself a while to send a long sms, which I expected nobody would reply me back.. Cuz my heart was so soury tat I find it hard to sit still n I need some air outside mac… Anyway after which I came back n just play until wil arrive n carried on playing until 3 am+ where we went home…

Didn’t really meet up any frds, but another 1 to update would be 1 of my SIM frd, Amanda. Nv expect she would be joining me to be my colleague at MBS, but just tat we would be diff dept. However, hers is also shift work, so maybe we can company each other for meals during break time.. I am supposed to meet her this afternoon (Sun) to help her wif many administrative stuffs, which I have did b4, but since her tuition was postponed to tml, so will meet her tml evening after my work instead.

Another update would be my oversea frd, at Batam.. Well I really appreciate her at times cuz if she wasn’t there to motivate n encourage me, I would still be so sulky.. However, this week she also have some family probs wif her bro, coming to batam to stay, but end up like led astray like tat.. So she was so upset after quarrelling wif him, so this time round, its my turn to help her by lending her a listening ear..

Lastly is a long time frd, seldom meet but saw him in camp during my reservist. He called me this afternoon, to invite me to his 21st birthday lunch party on CNY eve.

(Stop blogging on 24th Jan 2010 at 11.04pm)

bubbles of sadness.

*1:51 PM .

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Updates for 18th Jan 2010 Mon
(Start blogging on 18th Jan 2010 at 9.46pm)

Tomorrow is the beginning of another temp assignments while waiting for MBS news to report for training. Hopefully this would be the last temp assignment I would be working on, cuz I am tired of waiting for the uncertainties.. This time the location would be Jurong East Mrt, followed by a 40cent transport bus to the work place. Hopefully it would be near so I dun have to waste too much time on travelling..

I woke up ard 9.30am thanks to mm’s morning call, so I can call my agency about y the person nv called me last wk 4 interview. She helped me contact them n say they would be calling me at ard 2pm in the afternoon. Hence I use internet thru out the morning until afternoon time.. I watched another episode of Autumn’s Concerto and found tat the arrogant lead actor resembles him, who came btw me n my ex, becoming her bf..

As for me, I looked like the guy who likes the female lead actress, sacrificing myself to protect the ger, to love the ger, yet nobody appreciates n understand my feelings.. Such story plot just resembles the Korea taste, think that the drama is trying to copy Korea style, but I think the story plot can somehow be guessed. Its definitely gonna be tog for the arrogant guy n the ger, while the sacrificed person is moving off to nowhere or found another who is worthy of his love.

Or another ending would be main actor n actress got tog, but guy got illness n its gonna be a sad ending.. Anyway not gonna talked abt this issue, but abit of something which was very disheartening in the afternoon, or rather in fact until now, when I am at mac blogging abt it.. Dear blog, I have come to consult n seek ur listening ear once again.. Ever since I replied her a last sms, asking her whether she’s reached home already, there’s no news since then..

Oh my, who can ever understand how I felt? How anxious n sad I was.. Its been so long, y am I still so badly affected by it? I dunno wat’s wrong.. this kind of uneasy n insecure feelings just makes my mind turn n turn, every kind of imaginations come into me, those –ve onces, as though its driving me crazy.. I tried my best not to think so much, keeping myself occupied so I dun have to think abt it..

The results is already clear, I am clear of my path now.. If a person is worthy to be wif u for the rest of ur life, she will be.. Dun have to go thru so much pains n hurt n end up got hurt again n again.. How impt is 1 at the other person’s heart, its very much clear.. Initially, I was thinking the reason y she nv reply was tat she’s so tired after a nite’s work n she just fell aslp..

I keep enforcing this +ve tots on me, n its very suffering in the heart. So I keep myself occupied, 2pm the work called me wif a voice interview, and I got into the job.. Working hours would be 9-6, some of the days have to stay until b4 8pm, cuz I have to deal wif some countries, who have time lapsed diff like Indonesia. So have to stay until quite late until the quota have been reached..

So anyway tml morning would have to wake up n reach jurong east mrt by 9am.. Hmm it was around 5pm plus, I prepared myself to go out to run some errands for my mum.. By this time, the waiting for the sms got worsen n I cannot suppress the tot tat she’s slping soundly anymore.. Bad things starts to flow inside the head. Cuz I rmb she couldn’t slp for so long n when she woke up, normally she would sms me..

But there’s still no news.. I was wondering tat she must have not gone home to slp, but actually headed to some1’s hse? Some1 is clearing leave, so asked her over to stay.. Such things start to come in, and I tried to look at the last sms I sent.. over n over again I look, to see whether did I said anything wrong tat she dun wan to reply me? Nvm I told myself to wait again until its 6pm + where she have to prepare for work, if she’s at home..

Still no news, by 7pm+, ard 8pm+, I was dejected.. I asked Duck out to have dinner wif me, tog wif a frd long time nv c, Xiang Rong.. He had kfc 4 dinner after which we have a conversation, while duck was playing Sf4. Well he was really so fortunate.. Oh ya we start mentioning abt the later topic where I am gonna say below, cuz the ger whom I mentioned very sexy, gd at basketball n everytime come wif diff guys de, showed up at the arcade again..

XR told me tat this kind of ger he wan also happy, however, this kind would not be a wife material, but just a fling material.. Oh I mentioned tat he was fortunate cuz he have a gf who was of a wife material. I saw him n his gf a few times, n I agreed wif him. I also wan to find this kind of ger, but just like wat he said, this kind very hard to find, need to depends on frds to intro..

She nv make up, already got the natural beauty, and it’s the kind of guai type, who is loyal n faithful, nv go clubbing or disco, such kind of complicated places.. XR is her 1st bf n the tot of it just makes me envy so much.. This kind of description just makes me think of my ex’s niece, michelle. She resemble such category n her bf now, must be the 1st 1 n definitely very fortunate indeed..

Outside confirm very hard to noe this kind of ger.. Heard him said many things, he also say find wife material must find like tat. Fixed minded, stable in the heart, loyal to him n they really spent quality time tog, no matter where they go, or weekends just stayed at home to spend quality time wif each other.. Such kind of gers have low maintenance cost, unlike his ex gfs when he was young, very gd at making up, making own self very beautiful, their own beauty is more impt, has very high maintenance fee..

Spent a lot of $ on them.. Anyway wished him all the best, cherish this kind of ger n such kind I can only hoped but not wan… My love life not gd at all, everytime met the wrong kind of ger.. Well after tat, I am here now blogging b4 watching a movie n then gg home to rest 4 tml’s work.. It was already passed 9pm, the time she would take over the work from her previous shift..

Nope I still haven’t heard from her at all.. I guess I am totally dishearten n disappointed le.. I just leave things naturally, dun wan to let it bothered or affect me further.. Its not the 1st time I experience such sudden change of hot n cold from her.. Am I really so easily fooled? Need my company or entertainment, then come find me, dun need me completely ignored me.. I am not blind.. In actual fact from ever since the 1st time she left me, we got tog n now such situation, I am very aware of her feelings towards me..She might not be aware of her own heart, but I am very clear of wat’s her attitudes n feelings towards me…

I am merely some1 to be by her side when she needed me n my company.... I am a fool..

(Stop blogging on 18th Jan 2010 at 10.16pm)

bubbles of sadness.

*12:39 AM .

Monday, January 18, 2010

Updates from 10th Jan 2010 – 17th Jan 2010, Sun - Sun
(Start blogging on 16th Jan 2010 at 11.48pm)

Sunday 10th Jan

It was a day which I was preparing my mood to go for my very first reservist after deferring for a few times.. For a person like me, not in job, would definitely not be happy to report for reservist. This is because, if I were to have a office job now, I would be able to take a break n go camp instead. At least its better than working n stressing over work matters, so gg reservist was like a vacation for the employed ppl.

I spent the day preparing my army stuffs b4 gg out to enjoy the remaining of my weekends. I think if I can rmb correctly, I spent the nite watching Romeo & Juliet, acted by Leonardo Dicaprio.. It was a modern type of Romeo n Juliet, using guns n bullets instead of the old swords type.. So its not very original.. However, despite tat, I still grief over the ending..

The current me now, think really doesn’t suit watching this kind of tragic ending.. It just nv failed to be sad over the death of a deeply in love cpl, over the feud btw the 2 great power families.. Imagine romeo creeping into Juliet’s room, It was so romantic, as well as thrilling, having to worry tat he would be caught by the rest of the ppl.. The most grieved part was tat, the priest’s letter didn’t managed to get to Romeo’s hands, hence it just caused the tragic in the end…

Monday 11th Jan

1st day of in camp training.. I am supposed to report at 7.30am.. Appreciate mm’s morning call n I was on time for meeting my camp mate at mrt station there, waiting for him to drive here, but ended up he was caught in the traffic, hence I have my breakfast there until he arrive.. We ended up reaching ard 8am, only to find tat there’s many late comers as well..

I wanted to report with the scanning of my 11-B, but cuz of my hair cut rejected, I need to cut my hair b4 I can report.. Hence I was feeling so down, having to get my hair cut by the barber there.. I was not given a chance to get my hair cut outside. The queue was super long, so queuing until 9.30am, we were told to report to the auditorium 1st as the CO would be giving a speech.

After which then I go for the haircut, which cost 5 bucks.. It was damn ugly n I look like a nerd.. Anyway 1st day was like ntg much, only lecture n videos to watch.. around 5pm + then can book out.. Went home to wash up n stayed at home?

Tuesday 12th Jan

2nd day of reservist, mm gave me a morning call as well, got up n prepared n go to camp again.. the whole day was like lecture n video.. It was very tiring indeed.. we endured until its time to book out from camp.. After which, I meet mm at SP for dinner at foodcourt. We had a fruitful chat b4 heading to popular to purchase some books. She bought 2 books, The 5 love languages and she gave the men’s edition for me to read..She wrote something on the book, but I just sense stg’s amiss..All I noe was, there’s IPPT on nxt day and need to report early at 7am.

Wednesday 13th Jan 2010

This was a very boring n sick day at the beginning in camp. Because the day b4, as I was excuse IPPT, I have to volunteer to be the road marshaller for the 2.4km. I was supposed to stay back after 5.30pm ytd for the briefing, but becuz it was raining n my camp mate was driving me to Boon Lay Mrt, so I need to rush off wifout the briefing, asking my sergeant to cover for me..

Ended up I showed up with PT attire for the marshalling task, while they were in their smart fall.. This result in me becoming food for the mosquitoes at the area.. Road marshalling would be much fun when there’s no mosquitoes.. After tat, we changed back to our smart fall n wait for the training to resume.. Its only a short period of training yet, so many things to do..

Cuz they wan many amendments to be made for our uniforms, we were told to go to beach road immediately tonite to make our uniforms.. it was so inconvenience for everybody as so many ppl would be crowded there to make the changes.. It requires quite a no of sewing to be made. The logo of our unit, the Singapore word, and change our names from camo cloth to another kind..

Furthermore, camp was at 1 end, I need to travel to town area to make n then headed back to Sem.. It was so time wasting.. Luckily my camp mate offered to help me settle my name stuffs, then nxt day he will help me to sew it onto my uniform. So I went home to get the rest of the stuffs settled and call it a day.. What a busy nite..

Thursday 14th Jan 2010

Finally it’s the 2nd last day of reservist, but it was the busiest day in camp.. The training commence of sending the theories into practical. So morning was busy with the carrying of all the heavy stuffs out in the hot sun to set up a boundaries which would be used during wartimes. Due to the heavy security stuffs, I am not allowed to describe my army activities here, for fear of being charged.

It was hot indeed n it was during this kind of things, where u can c who’s the helpful 1, who’s the lazy 1. My heart just wanna get it over n done wif, so just try my best to offer wat I can help, but at the same time slack a bit haha. Endured until afternoon, where we get to keep our things, but sad thing was, I am not able to leave camp early today as need to stay back for the happy hour thingy..

Something sad which affect me very badly in the afternoon, but I dun wish to talk or reveal lots of things here.. There was a sudden change in a person’s attitude n behaviour towards me again. It really makes me very hard to adapt such change. I still rmb the very 1st time I met this person, she told me on the phone tat she’s not the kind who would change over nite, but ended up, she’s also the same…

Furthermore its not the 1st time already.. I was so lost, disturbed n vex.. my heart felt very heavy n I sms an oversea frd n I was so surprise tat she replied me so fast. Though her intention was kind, but due to me being a pessimistic person, her way of comfort in a –ve way just makes me feel worst. However, she quickly apologize n her concern was received, so I appreciate her for tat when I was feeling so down..

Happy hour was very filling, where I ate quite a no of food at the buffet. Got satay, rice, chicken, fish, mushrooms, dessert, otah, prawns, etc.. Furthermore, there’s beer n wine. My camp mate gave me the beer, but since studies have said tat beer increases female hormones in our body, so I dun really like to drink beer.. So I drink a lot of wine instead.. However, it was not of very gd quality, I drank it bitterly…

My camp mates start sharing wif me there interesting exp overseas, like gg Bangkok and JB to have fun.. all the places they mentioned, was like brand new stuffs to me, cuz I have nv been to b4.. They told me tat b4 marriage, must really have lots of fun n enjoy myself, cuz after marriage, its too late to enjoy life anymore.. After all the bad experiences I have, my heart starts to feel so confused..

They wan to bring me ard, but I just say I’ll put tat into consideration as an eye opener nxt time.. After the whole thing, I can’t rmb wat I do.. Either I go to the arcade to relieve my stress or I just went home straight…

Friday 15th Jan 2010

A week has passed since the memorable day has passed.. It was another fri, but here I am in the army, last day of the reservist.. I woke up very late in the morning, cuz mm was not working, so there’s no morning call. The alarm clock didn’t help by waking me up.. Seems tat I really depends on her a lot.. How can I survive when I very day she leave me? Not many ppl coming in my life would gimme morning call like she do..

I have to be strong n be independent so tat when I am alone, I have to do everything myself, until I found my soul mate in future.. Hence I was late for camp, reaching at 8am +. Basically there’s ntg much for us to do on the last day, just slacking around here n there.. Afternoon came, also basically ntg much for us to do, except for those NS men needed to go to Taiwan Exercise during may have to get injection n do lots of admin stuffs..

After which ard 3.30pm, its IPPT session for those ppl who failed ippt on wed. Hence we hav to wait for them to finish b4 able to out pro from out reservist. But nv expect ard 4.20pm, we were able to go off le, so I hurried to leave camp n headed home to wash up, get all my things n headed to amk hub to get a haircut. I’m mtg mm for dinner n movie. Initially I tot the haircut would not take so long as my hair was already so short, just need my hairstylist to amend abit would be sufficient. Mm have finished her things, so she came over to wait for me.. After which we headed to nebo to have our dinner. As I have suggested tat 1 set would be very filling, so we agreed to share a meal..

We chat awhile there until its time for the movie, “The Spy Next Door” to start. It was a Jackie Chan movie. Initial we want to catch “Hear Say”, but since there’s only 7.20pm slot, we cannot make it on time, but Jackie Chan movie, nv failed to entertain us with his comedy actions.. However, we can c tat Jackie Chan is really showing signs of aging, as his action moves weren’t as many or complicated as his past movies, when he was young.
Overall, the movie is still not bad..

After which, its time she needs to go.. Still rmb in the past, she dun have any curfew, but seems like there’s so much restrictions now.. Yup things were just not the same as the past anymore.. Anyway, she went home 1st, while I went to some where to use my laptop for a long hours of 4 hours? Then after which where I meet her again.. Repeat the things we did in the past, reminiscing the sweet memories tog.. Anyway tat’s all I have to say, keep the sweet moments to myself.

Saturday 16th Jan 2010

It was a boring day n also a very sad day indeed.. I woke up in the afternoon as I didn’t really slp last nite. I charged my laptop while using the internet.. Basically it was like ntg to do at home anymore, but just rotting. My agency actually mentioned to me about a temp job she has got for me, but until now, I did not receive any calls from anybody..If by this weekend, still no calls, mon I would be calling my agency to check up wif her..

Most probably I think other ppl have gotten a job…N I have to find another temp job already.. Yes I admit tat I am very low n down now, which I seem to be relying much on others, if I were to have gf.. However, looking at the surface or present matter, I may seem at a disadv, ppl might not be able to wan me.. but its alright, Its usually when 1 person is down, only u can c the true heart of other ppl ard u..

I dun blame ppl for choosing to leave me at such time, for other ppl more stable than me.. I am sure in future, there would be 1 who would truly love me n appreciates me for who I am. However, if when I am stable, then only some gers starts to flock ard me, or considering me to be stable, my mindset would be diff by then.. I would choose to be wif those who r able to undergo thru wif me thru thin n thick..

Love is not only abt the present state, whether u r able to led a stable life or not.. The future is always changing now, the value of a person now would be diff, depending on the changes in the future…I may be of low value now, but I am capable I would be a loving hubby in future. I wan some1 who can achieve the goal of a warming n loving family in future..

A bread which looks gd n appealing now, might turn out to be stale in the end.. In this practical world, I have to open my eyes wide.. I would still have this believe tat love is still the most impt than any bread, which is an empty shell.. True love can nv be purchase by any amt of $, but its so priceless n valuable tat it weights much heavier than any gold on earth…

I believe if a cpl were to be tog, truly love each other, they shld be mindful abt so many things, like age n financial status.. Love the person for who we r, really adapt into each other’s life n be adaptable.. Be flexible n work things out tog.. I hope to find a ger who can live tog wif me n sharing our life tog, wif what we have at the point of time, but not depending on how much we r able to enjoy tog…

If everything also have to deps on cash, then there’s no love to talk abt.. We cannot be a loving cpl like those which, lets say be flexible n stay in the parent’s hse after marriage for a few years, n careful planning every thing tog, depending on our capabilities.. I may be poor now, but once I start my full time job in few months time, things would be better..

Though I noe I might not be able to afford a car, a hse, a baby, but things can be plan.. Family planning is a long plan for life, not a few years to judge a person.. How long do a person have to wait actually? If its for life, its forever, not only a few yrs results.. Once the choice of choosing a person to live wif u, its forever. U r mine, I am urs. We work things out tog n live wif it, slowly improving n adjusting each other n fit into the environment.

Tat’s wat I would like to look out for a ger in future, not just having a fixed mind of, no hse cannot marry, no car cannot, no this, no tat cannot.. If we have to let the environment or resources to adapt to us, its gonna be tough.. Humans are living things, wif emotions.. The rest of the things are non living things. We shld be flexible n adaptable enough to adjust ourselves to the environment. Wat matter most is 1 uses own heart to put in effort in whatever they r doing.

Ok back to where I left out, I headed out to Sun Plaza in the evening time to do my routine again after army life is temporary stop for now again until the nxt reservist comes.. Headed to the arcade 1st n wait for nel to come b4 we headed to kfc for dinner. Total got newspaper boy, nel, kit, ding n duck wif me.. After which, they headed to arcade to play again b4 I headed to mac.

Well heart was as gd as dead when I knew wat’s going on in my life.. I dun wish to say it here, but from the timing of the sms, till it gone silence, I guess my predictions is correct. I dun have any thing I am able to comment abt such acts, but seems like no point talking much about it the next time, since the results would always turn out to be –ve. Not only do I have to say, I dun have to actually listen abt words of assurance like, feeling tired, probably not gg anymore, wan go home rest early. Cuz eventually, its still gonna be the same outcome as b4 the discussion starts.. That is just simply the feeling of being disheartened..

Ok so anyway I stayed at mac n played virtual tennis psp wif nel, ding n kit. Long time nv play le, end up dunno y like 4get how to play like tat.. Kit thrashed me in the last game, b4 he left n I am alone to start blogging. However, since I have no mood to blog, I stopped halfway n watch movie instead. Catch “Blades Of Glory” again n it nv failed to gimme a gd laugh no matter how many times I watch it..

Wil watch a bit when he came over to find me after his work n he was laughing madly tog wif me in mac.. But cuz he have work again in the morning, he went off to rest.. I also cannot take it, cuz I felt tired n there’s nobody there to help me look after my laptop for me, so I left ard 3am+ to rest at home..

Sunday 17th Jan 2010

I woke up at ard 12pm n online as usual.. Its ard 1pm + when mm online n talked to me.. Think from the time, she just came home not long ago ba… Dun wish to say anything much abt it.. Chat awhile n I use com until ard evening time, I prepare to go out wif my laptop for my routine stuffs.. think I am back to such boring routine again, since I dun really have much cash to have other luxury activities..

Think I shall wait until few more months b4 I start my full time job, stabilize everything n I think I won’t be at mac all the time.. I headed to arcade to wait for nel to come b4 gg to have dinner wif him.. After which company him to arcade to play game, n here I am completing my blog b4 I am going to start watching movie again, “Underworld Revolution”. Some times I really feel very happy receiving news like calls, sms and everything abt mm, but reality strikes really hard n it can be very sad.

Hope this happy moment dun be so shortlived.. Jus hope to stay as long as it can be..As happy as it can be..

(Stop blogging on 17th Jan 2010 at 11.43pm)

bubbles of sadness.

*10:28 AM .

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Updates from 4th Jan 2010 – 9th Jan 2010, Mon - Sat
(Start blogging on 9th Jan 2010 at 6.27pm)

Monday 4th Jan

Seeking for a new temp job week, I have lots of things to clear on a Monday. 1st, I have to settle the medical review date, which is on this fri, as I have not yet visit my own medical appt to TTSH. However, since I have not book any appt within the year, due to my financial status, the case is automatically closed. Hence I have to visit poly clinic 1 day and have them referred me back to my doc..

Its gonna be a very tedious process, but I just dun have the choice. Its only in the nite time when I am outside, tat the called me n advised me to go online n change the appt date myself, since its automatically fixed on the net.. Next, I send my resume to my agency, Mei for her to keep a lookout for any new temp jobs for me to do.. After which, I called MBS to clarify something about the date issue for my Casino Licence interview on Thursday..

During nite time, mm wanted to meet me for dinner b4 she headed off for her work, so she came to SP to find me. I was so hungry earlier so I have an early dinner, until which she woke up n sms me for dinner. But I companied her dinner while having a corn soup. We have lots of things to chat about n she brought her thumb drive to copy some of my laptop pics and I shared wif her some of my song collections, while she shared wif me a few of hers..

Time always flies so fast wif her ard n it was time for her to go to work. It was her 1st time travelling to work from sp, ended up 10 mins late. So at least nxt time, she roughly have a gauge on wat time to leave. After she left, I headed to arcade for a while to play some game, followed by heading to mac to watch my favourite Michael Jackson live video b4 I call it a day.

Tuesday 5th Jan

As usual, I feel so emo today, had insomnia.. I slept at 2am last nite, but dunno y I just woke up suddenly at 6am+ in the morning. Then I just lay awake in bed staring at the celling n into space, until its time to wake up n I use the com at home. I dunno y I just find tat there’s ntg for me to do at the net either.. So I jus online n stare at my com, sometimes listening to music, sometimes dun, cuz my nephew need to slp, so I can’t on the volume to my desire level..

Even outside activities also has no colours to me.. My life just seemed painted grey, everything looks so dull n boring.. Its so mundane tat it just makes me lifeless.. I seemed like a walking zombie, wifout any energy in me.. Nel n duck asked me out for dinner, so we headed to kfc to have my fav 2 piece meal, as usual go arcade play sf4 wif them, followed my Mac for Michael Jackson..

The only difference was a SF4 friend I knew, came to mac to get his usual ice-cream. I nv expect he just buy n go, so luckily I manage to reach him on his hp n get him back to look after my laptop for me, while I visit the washroom. The bad thing about gg out alone is that, I have nobody to watch my things for me, while I visit the washroom.. After tat we chat awhile..

His r/s also not very ideal n from wat we c, its not very optimistic. However, luckily he’s a person wif very high self esteem, superb confident level. Something which I needed to have in me, however we have something in common was, we were very vulnerable in a r/s. His gf is a very rich Hong Kong ger, very pampered indeed. In sch, he’s not allowed to hold her hands or be close wif her, can only regard her as frd, as the ger dun wan the public to know of their r/s..

Even the lecturer is interested wif the ger.. Their r/s were also not very stable, wif the ger breaking up wif him, out of no reason, times after times.. Anyway he told me the r/s is slowly turning for the better, after I advice him some time back not to give in too much as the gf needs to learn n be understanding. In the past, the ger always have a rich bf, everything paying for her, wat she wants..

He’s like me, ownself have to scrimp until so badly, just to be able to hang out wif the ger.. Anyway after he left, I continue my movie b4 heading home..

Wednesday 6th Jan 2010

Everything was the same as routine in the day time, wif the only diff tat I need to give my agency an ans about a job she offered me. Cuz the pay wasn’t attractive n the location was so far again.. So I decided to consider b4 giving her my ans. She offered me on Mon evening if I am not mistaken n I told her tat I would gave her an ans by wed. As promised I called, but her ans was the slot was taken up..

Yet she didn’t even inform me abt tat.. However, she offered me another 2, but its more ridiculous than the previous 1. So in the end, I rejected both until she has other job for me. No point working on some jobs where I dun get much in the end, as most of the pay were used for transport n food etc.. evening time, I meet ben n nel for dinner. This time we play cards wif out wil tog.

Hmm as usual, losing streak again, my winnings dropped until I think left 300+ only.. Ben lost again n this time nel is on winning luck. Snake seem to get luckier each day.. Cuz its time for ben to catch last bus home, they left while I stayed to use laptop, b4 calling it a day..Nxt day got Casino Licence Interview, so I didn’t stay until very late as well..

Thursday 7th Jan 2010

I woke up to prepare the necessary things for the interview. Due to some things I missed out, I am lack of printer at home, I wasted lots of time looking for frds to help me print. Luckily managed to find jim who is off duty from camp at home. However, when I reach his hse, I tot I can just take n go, ended up he nv helped me print..So I went in n print myself.. Only to notice tat he dun have Microsoft words, all the alignments were off, so I have to adjust the page n print them again b4 leaving off..

My interview was 2.50pm n I am not able to make it on time. Location was very inaccessible, alight at Commonwealth mrt, I headed to take cab there. I managed to reach on time, but cuz of the name I put there, the interview tot I missed the interview, almost struck my name off.. In the interview, I already expected they would qn me about the credit cards issue on my credit card report.

I explained honestly, but wat I received was a ‘bu2 xie4’ expression from the interviewer’s face. After the interview, I was worried tat I might be failed cuz of my credit card issue. There’s a period of time where I was super long unemployed last yr, caught in btw my exams as well. So I ended up using cash advance wif my credit cards. However from then on wards, I have not been paying full amount every mth, expect for the minimum amt..

Of cuz the statement nv state anything, only a cap N, stating tat I did not return my credit cards bills in full amt.. If I am failed of my application for the licence becuz of this, its really a waste of my precious time waiting endlessly for this job to start.. End up it seems my fault tat I am so short of cash.. Had they gave me a certain time frame of the starting date, it would have been easier for me to look for jobs.

I have approached many jobs, but many were reluctant to hire me cuz I am not able to provide them how long I can commit wif them.. Tat’s the main prob on my job seeking now.. I am extremely poor now.. the declaration form I filled up n submit was sep 2009, so during the interview, she asked me abt my status now, poorer then the amt I stated? I answered honestly yes…

Nxt she looked at my liabilities, the 2 credit cards amt, is it still the same or have the amt been cleared? I answered honestly, still the same.. cuz every month I still pay minimum amt, n used the amt to settle my phone bills.. The same kind of facial expression.. Its definitely a deficit from wat I hav declared.. Anyway I have some mental preparations tat I dun have a choice, its fate if I failed my application for this job.

I just dun have the finance capable enough for me to wait for this job to start. I have wasted my time waiting for this job, instead of finding other full time job. I really hate Marina Bay Sands in this case, for making me signed the employment agreement on Jul 2009, n yet not even giving us allowance for such a long wait.. OF CUZ I’M POORER DAY BY DAY!!

After the interview, I went for the thumb print scan. Scanned all my 10 fingers, as well as my palms.. After which I can leave the place.. Feeling depress, I have nobody to turn to.. I wasted another 6 bucks travelling on cab to commonwealth mrt n headed home. I changed n bring my laptop out again.. nite time I asked Jason bear to company me for dinner…

After which, I watched my favourite Disney show, Beauty and the Beast. Ben managed to help me burn it into a cd for me to watch.. Its still so touching the end, I am a very sensitive n emotional guy, always teared when I watch very sad, love story… But cuz this kind of public place I have to hold my tears la.. haha.anyway, wil come to find me after work at mac. Luckily he’s ard, so he lent me a listening ear..

Friday 8th Jan 2010

It was a memorable day, diff from my mundane life. Its short lived but I do cherish the moments. I woke up very early in the morning only to be welcomed by a bad stomachache. It was so upset tat I really have a bad morning. Since I was late for my things, I hurriedly prepare n left home.. I headed to buy some breakfast at A-Mei’s Café n headed off to my destination..

However, my stomach was so crazy tat I feel so terrible.. Ended I keep calling n calling, but there’s no response, cuz aslp so deeply like a log. There’s no public toilet nearby, even if there is, its so far the walking distances.. My condition forbids me to travel so far. Luckily, until an hr + of wait, I am able to relieve my ease.. Not gonna say much about the things here, but its really great to reminisce sweet moments once again..

My 1 & only baby photo i have

My siblings wif me.

THis is my dad n me when he was still young

Its me when i was a little older n i rmb this balloon haha.

Quickly scanned my baby photos and off its time to move off to the next destination.. It was an outing wif my ex.. Doing the things we used to do in the past, however things were so diff now, but its still so great cuz the things we did tog were still the best.. So here are the activities as I go on.. we headed to sing k lunch tog..we were late so only able to sing 2 hrs instead of 3 hrs..

The system there have changed, so need some time to get use of the remote. We sing lots of duets tog, her voice is still the best..I just enjoyed singing wif her..My singing improved as well.. As the time moved so fast, many songs were not able to sung tog.. after this day, not sure if we have the chance to sing tog again.. After which, we headed to suntec to catch a movie tog..

The only movie available was Cirque De Freak: The Vampire Assistant. I read this movie in storybook when I was young in the library.. It’s an interesting movie, and they make it as though it’s a comedy. Glad tat the money spend was worthwhile n we both enjoyed the movie very much. It flows exactly like the story book I have read. I can recommend this to ppl who r interested to catch this movie. Its worth the value.

Nxt up was supposed to have dinner tog at Kenny rogers, I was reluctant initially, the moment I knew tat her Niece, Janice would be joining us for dinner. I really feel like leaving, as for wat really happened to us, it was really unpleasant.. It would really be awkward to see her niece again.. ntg much to talk as well.. Impressions given, wasn’t really pleasant after wat had happened..

Anyway ended up stayed on.. Of cuz, as usual the same unpleasant thing, was the sms n calls which I used to experience in the past.. Just tat the most dreadful thing was, it was from the guy who ruined our r/s.. I have to actually be hidden of my presence from him.. This really seemed ridiculously weird.. Anyway b4 jan come, we do have some short time of chat wif each other..

Found out some things from her, but its always the case ba.. During the times when she strayed, she won’t realize tat, until the moment when we both part n they went ‘happily’ tog, only then she realized certain things, weren’t as sweet as they see at the beginning.. She’s a person who’s easily moved or touched by some small funny actions from anyone.. So the guy just simply do some things n off she’s gone..

This guy wasn’t as caring as he seemed in the past, when he was courting her, while she’ still wif me.. What do you think of a guy when he says ‘If I want to chase after a ger, or have my target on, I have always nv fail to get wat I wanted.’? He finds tat chasing after a ger is something thrilling n challenging to him. Wat’s love wif such an intention at the beginning? So true enough he really got it, the thrill has subsided, so there’s ntg interesting left, after the domination…

She mentioned tat the guy threatened him many things, tat’s a contrast wif me.. To think tat she actually do so much from him, when she only barely tog wif him for a yr.. I am not comparing abt the doing matters.. But he’s owning a car, he have a stable job, how can he be so needed in assistance? Fancy needed her help so much from her? I still rmb she signed up a bond wif the company..

Ended up she actually helped him so much.. I have actually adviced her in the past when we r tog, not to be too helpful.. As in, she keep grumbling, wanting to quit the job, but the bond is there, so dun breach the bond unnecessary..So now this guy use her help as a threat to her, if they break up.. Even blamed her for wasting his time? Sounds hilarious…However, its just a disgrace for some1 like this being called a libra. Ntg but merely a Si1 Wen2 Bai4 Lei4.. I have a pride as well, I dun wan to owe anymore anything even if we were to part or wat..

I would rather she helped somebody else, where she can have reassurance tat she won’t be threatened, should there be any dispute.. *chuckle*. Anyway, this guy still got the capability to buy her iphone ba. Its her own happiness, her own life bouy. Lastly about something btw them, which I dun wan to state down her, but I dun wish to 4get as well, think of some things to phrase it until not so obvious..

The guy told her, she has no reason to decline him cuz he is his bf. (Besides she is not some holy angel, so precious tat needs to protect her valuables, until they stayed in the same roof tog) This bracket sentence is my own phrase, to hide the original 1. Because of this, she can break her own views of life, which we used to talk about love for some1, n those whom u dun love. Its so holy n precious tat not anybody can do it..

I guess tat’s 1 of the diff I have wif her ba.. If its me, no matter wat, I protect wat was rite n impt to me.. Nv let anybody violate my own values in life, over my dead body…no form of words, or threaten can make me succumb to it..Tat’s y if I dun really love a person, I won’t go into a r/s wif anybody.. But I guess individuals have diff values in life ba.. Some were same, but she just belong to a diff type..

I am lonely, I am empty.. I need company very badly as well as she did.. I am bored, but all the more, I can’t bring myself to be wif somebody whom I have no feelings for.. The same kind of words said by diff ppl, have got diff feelings.. If the person u love, even some simple sentences also sound sweet to ur heart, but if the person u dun love, said the same words, it just seem so disgusting.. Likewise for the actions did tog, I can’t betray my own heart n go ahead wif it, not even once…

Enough of this, I have to fend of the awkwardness feeling of having her niece around on the same table.. I dunno how Janice feels about me, but the words said were some reminders. Dun worry, I noe, she is attached now, dun be so wary of me tat I have the intention of breaking up a cpl, happily in love.. Even in the past, I did not do anything funny to break her n mao up..

I am not so evil as u might have assume me to be..I dun wear a mask around, always being my true self.. Unless u wan to call me ‘putting up a strong front, behind my soft heart, protecting, trying to show others tat I am not easily bullied’ as a mask.. besides tat, on the table, she keep in front of her niece, saying those things like I have feelings for this ger tat ger at mac, its just a bit making me unhappy, thinking wat’s she trying to show?

Despite those uneasiness, there’s still some chatty part ba.. Still not so bad, as usual, I entertain them n have them laugh happily.. Though not really intentionally trying to act funny, or crack those kind of funny jokes to make ppl laugh.. I also dunno how to explain, but ppl who noes me very well, does enjoy my presence around.. Janice didn’t even noe I was so funny back then, but well anyway….

Well Jan was a nice, young sweet ger, decent looking just like all her siblings, just tat she was feeling emo lately due to some things, my ex was very concerned abt her.. She shld be able to get a much better bf, who deserves her love than this 1. I understand the feeling of being dump by some1 u truly love, but need to be strong n pick urself up. Drinking n getting herself drunk is not very healthy or safe for a ger. Image will be spoilt as well haha. Venture to other decent activities, who noes she might be able to meet some1 of her destiny. So currently she is single and available. Any decent guys wan to receive her love? Haha like advertising like tat…

Some photos which were taken on the way back home at mrt, cuz Jan have some funny crab decorations wif her, so feel like taking pic wif it. So I be the photographer, so here’s the photos.. The dinner afterall, turn out to be not so bad, like the past when I entered her hse wif her family, looking at me wif some kind of uncomfortable expressions, which I dun really like going to her hse back then…

Jan trying to take her lovely yellow crab with her in the pic

Second photo wif her Ah yi

They are trying to form the heart shape. 1st try?

2nd try

3rd try

Jan helped us to take a pic tog. Its been long since we have a photo taken tog. Hmm cuz time is rushing as the mrt is moving off soon. didn't have time to check my vest...Also no time to take a photo wif Jan.

Finally last shot for them with yellow crab on Ser while Jan holding on to her 2nd favourite, can't really c wat is the object.

Besides tat, its just an outing after so long, turn out to be some many ppl knowing tat we r gg out for a day.. Her frds were so concerned about her… Dun worry, when she’s wif me, she would always be in safe hands, will be back in 1 piece, safe n sound, wifout any harm..Its always great to reminisce the sweet moments of the past, just tat obviously, things were not the same anymore. But I do cherish them well n was grateful for tat.. So here are the moments that we do for the day..

Saturday 9th Jan 2010

Well after such a memorable day, I am back to my usual routine le.. Spent the morning online n stoning.. Army called me ytd nite, reminding me tat Mon I have reservist in the morning.. I 4got about it, so it really turns my mood down.. Morning I went to check online its on Mon to Sat nxt week… Its gonna be a dreadful week.. After which, I stone in front of the com again, unless got ppl chat wif me…

My niece (2nd sister’s daughter) come in the afternoon, so I spent some time wif her as well as nephew. After which, I prepare n go to sp to slack at arcade n mac.. So here I am now, blogging those things down.. My handphone is very peaceful today, just like other days b4 my ex contact me.. Obviously tonite peaceful, meaning to say she is wif her bf now.. Not a bit surprise tat I expect tat she won’t be contacting me when she’s wif him.

Her schedule for today was shopping wif jan in the afternoon n meeting her bf at nite. Well she went out wif jan at late afternoon, meaning to say will be meeting him late in the nite, perhaps a routine like her past, wif mao, staying over at his hse over the weekends. Anyway, I’m off to watch my movie, b4 I call it a day.. Wanna try enjoy my weekends, b4 I dread my nxt week wif my army stuffs…

(Stop blogging on 10 Jan 2010 at 12.11am)

bubbles of sadness.

*11:36 AM .

Monday, January 04, 2010

Updates from 30th Dec 2009 – 3rd Jan 2010, Wed - Sun
(Start blogging on 3rd Jan 2010 at 10.20pm)

Wednesday 30th Dec

Thanks to mm’s morning call, I managed to wake up at 8am to prepare for the whole day’s activities. We planned to catch Avatar in 3D at The Cathay, Doby Ghaut in the morning, 11am’s show. Never expect the movie screen for so long, still so hot the seats.. Ben even said tat it’s the best movie for 2009. Hence we have decided to catch this movie, despite the fact tat it doesn’t appeals me at the beginning.

We met early for breakfast at kfc, followed by train to cathay just in time for the movie. It was not really nice as wat ben have said, to me it was ok only.. The 3D glasses weren’t very clear, despite me specially wearing my 2nd last pair of contact lens for the movie. Some of the parts were funny, especially they were all chanting tog, just like cults.. Despite the actions, there’s a romantic love story in the movie.

The guy having a false avatar, infiltrate the real tribe ppl (blue colour ppl), to get to know them n be close to them. An avatar was created by using the genes of the tribe ppl, mixed wif the genes of the real life ppl. So to enter ur own avatar wif ur genes, u were put to slp in a machine, where u woke up, finding urself having the avatar as ur body.. The guy’s real life, he was a paralyzed man, weak n not able to do many things a normal man can do.

But in the avatar, he is perfect. Eventually he falls in love wif the real tribe woman n they fell in love wif each other, thru the 1st encounter n all along.. Its more of the love story which I enjoyed catching this movie.. Eventually, during the last fight btw man n tribe ppl, over the sacred land, the tribe woman, managed to save the real guy, wifout his avatar form.

In the end, the real guy sacrifice his real form n decided to be in his avatar form forever, to be wif the tribe woman. So tat’s when the chanting ritual starts haha. Anyway I find it hard to describe the almost 3hrs long movie in words. If ppl who r interested to noe the love story inside, have to watch it urself..

So after the movie, we headed to have lunch, or maybe not.. But I rmb we went to play snooker tog at Paradiz Centre. After renovation, it seems better, however, the snooker place, doesn’t turn out to be enjoyable, despite the fact tat there’s happy hour of 4 bucks per hr. The cue stick just suits more for pool, instead of snooker. Played 4 rounds n headed to have dinner at there.

We saw a cheap restaurant, I think is Mad Jack or wat.. Can’t really rmb the place name.. Its quite affordable, but quite average for western place ba.. Anyway after tat, we headed to arcade at Plaza Sing to play SF4 awhile. My performance was quite good there, tat when I am out of credits, I nv expect to saw a guy walking over to me n talked to me. Then I realized tat it was 1 of the host, who organized the tournaments at Bugis.

He also participated in the first few tournaments wif his El Fuerte, as I have seen his tournament videos in his blog for SF4. So I guess, he finds my El Fuerte not bad, since not many ppl can use tat char very well. So spoke awhile n then we went off le.. Reached sem quite early but I can’t really rmb wat we do next.. Oh ya I think I missed out something impt..

During snooker time, I received a very impt call, finally a call from MBS.. But its not a call to notify me abt the training date, only to inform me the date for the Casino Licence interview which I need to clear. I am quite worried about this, cuz of my financial situation now n the fact tat I am on fast cash wif my credit cards, only pay the minimum amt every mth.. Worried they failed me over this reason as this credit card thing, was reflected in my credit bureau report.

However, whatever it is, I have a clear conscience n I guess since I have ntg ugly to hide, I shld be able to tell whatever I have to said in the interview when the ask me tat. Passing me or not, still lies on them… I should be happy to noe tat the interview date is near, but ended up it means more things for me to do.. cuz suddenly need to do some additional things, giving me lots of headaches again..

Thursday 31th Dec

It’s the last day of 2009, therefore its time to cele. A small cele was worthwhile as it is to cele, but I managed to survive until the very last day of 2009. I dun really noe how I managed to do it, but it was really a very dreadful year for me. I just hope the new year would be better. Anyway didn’t really cele much, afternoon company kit to SP to settle some things.

Then after which, we went to have lunch followed by arcade. I wanted to shop for an external hard disk as my laptop has almost run out of space. However, after calculations for my remaining funds left, I doubt I would be able to survive until I manage to find another part time job, hence I decided to drop the idea as well.. Planned so much, end up didn’t buy anything at all. I guess this yr, there’ll not be new clothes for me to wear as well..

Anyway after which, we have to head home as it was late for the nite cele. I went home to prepare n come out straight to meet kit again, this time wif nel as well. Wil last min say he wanna join us. I guessed he tried hard enough to overcome himself to face his ex gf, Dawn. Its been so long le, yet he’s still like tat. I told him tat he should be brave n show up as a prove tat he is doing well without her.

Anyway the steamboat dinner location was at Novena.. I was very reluctant to go there cuz I dun really like the idea of steamboat in a very hot n crowded place. Ended up, it proves me rite. The place was so stuffy n crowded, there’s not much space btw the other table either. Total it cost 22 plus, but i am not cut out for buffet anymore. Ever since diet start, appetite will shrink n eat little bit only, will be very full..

Total there’s 9 of us this time – Nel, wil, me, kit, xy, hy, cy, dawn and Fion. Newspaper boy last min got stg on, ended up nv come again. So after every1 was full with their meals, only left the usual sole survivor, Kit, who can eat a lot. He come eat buffet, sure very worth it. I wonder how he can starve himself with so much food, yet he doesn’t seem to grow fat..

Anyway its time to start playing our usual game, Zhong Ji Mi Ma.. Of cuz the loser will get a forfeit to choose 1 of the food and clear them up.. The whole buffet started at around 6pm plus and they planned to eat until 11pm, but seems like its not possible as every1 felt full at ard 9pm+. So after which, they dun have much plans n we have to brainstorm.. I hate the idea of me doing the brainstorm by myself n some of them just sit there n wait for activities tat suits them to come, or some just choose their own activities where not every1 is suitable or likes to do…

So we ended up window shopping awhile at a shopping centre at Novena there, b4 decided to go to Yishun Safra to Sing K. However, when we reached there, the price was so exp tat each of us have to pay 38 bucks if we were to sing on tat nite. Since it was not worth it, they have to think of other activities, while I helped them call n checked other outlets prices n availability, but seems like its not possible..

Since no K session, gotta think of other things, where they decided to head for bowling alley, but ended up it was closed for cele.. This leaves us only the choice of snooker n pool, where not every1 is interested.. Ended up, after so many idling at Yishun Safra, calling Orchid Country Club to check empty slots for bowling, it was still not available.. So we struggled until mins to countdown, where I suggest the give n take activities..

Snooker or Lan shop as the 1st activites, True/Dare or the Drinking game as the 2nd activities. So ended up they choose snooker n pool, where kit, nel, wil n me played snooker, the rest played pool. The 4 of us played a round of standard snooker, wif me the 1st, wil 2nd, kit 3rd, nel last. Then using the sequence, we play number ball wif the card game. Its been so long since we played this game again.

Well I was so unlucky tat I dunno y, I keep losing when I played this game..So ended up we have to stop playing at 1.30am as it was the closing time, I was losing badly.. Seems like I paid most of the game.. Ard 16bucks like tat.. After which we headed back to Sun Plaza by separate cabs, where everybody headed to 7-11 to buy a bottle of 1.5 litre drink, of their own choice, cannot buy carbonated drinks or beer..

Kit have to go home cuz he need to work early in the morning. So only left the 8 of us initially, but since xy’s sis, xinlei has got ntg to do, she decided to join us. So in total, we have 1 Oolong tea, 2 C.White tea, 1 blueberry tea, 1 lemon tea and 4 mineral water. So we played the usual game like Christmas eve, but this time its all abt drinking. Think every1 of us drank, the most were Fion 1st, as she was very unlucky.

Next is Xinlei n Wil, then followed by Dawn as she hit our top record, with 3 times draw 4 in a row. Tat’s the time when she drank the most, but as expected of an aries, she was very spotty n drank everything clean. The most lucky 1 was nel n Cy I guess.. Fion keep drinking at the beginning, until the later stage, she can’t take it, that she fall out to rest awhile, but the moment she comes in, she gets to drink again..

Then another thing happened, where xy actually vomit halfway on the table. Cuz she said the cups mixed wif many kind of drinks, until there’s a smell so she puked.. Cuz it stinks up the table, every1 suggested to change tables, until we finally finished up all the 9 bottles.. I get to drink quite some cups at the later part of the game.. So after tat, we call it a day I guess..

Friday 1st Jan 2010 Happy New Year and Happy Birthday to my 2nd Sis.

1st day of 2010, I hope tat all the bad times in year 2009 be gone and all the happiness comes ahead of me! I sincerely hoped tat in my heart, please dun wan to let me suffer again. I hope my love, family, career, studies as well as health be in rising condition. I have enough of downs n I dun wish to be down all the time. Its time to rise n have ups again!!!

Anyway this day, Ben is coming down to meet me n wil. I started the day bad, playing cards wif them, keep losing… I have been on losing streak dunno how long already. Something’s really wrong with my head nowadays.. seems like my headache is getting quite frequent tat my forehead hurts even when I touches them.. Playing cards in such condition, really sucks….

As usual, we play until nite time, where after dinner, I told them I wan to take a break. So I went to arcade to relax a while, dunno y mac air-con suddenly so cold.. After tat then go back to resume our game, until ard 10pm+, nel come over to join us in the game while waiting for newspaperboy to come. So we end up playing until ard 3am, where the results is ben winning all of us.

This year seems lucky for ben, where his luck is finally improving a lot. I was so sick, so I decided to call it a day, not to play until morning. Hence ben took the niterider home, while I faster prepare n slp.

Saturday 2nd Jan 2010

It was another boring day for me.. I spent the day alone with the company of my laptop, enjoying the peace at home, getting everything ready to go out to Sun Plaza with my stuffs. Seems like 2010 isn’t a smooth beginning for me as well.. I have so many things needed to clear, like updating my resume so tat I can send them on mon, as well as finalizing the things for my coming Casino Licence interview on coming Thursday..

Besides tat, I need to settle many other things on the following week, like army medical review, Tan Tock Seng Medical Appointment stuffs (due to financial, I did not book appt within a yr, they closed my case..So now I have to go poly clinic 1 day, to be referred to specialist again.) and also I need to call MBS to clarify the documents needed to be presented in my interview..

So many pieces in mind, jus makes me stressed out. I headed to mos burger to watch Michael Jackson’s This is it movie again, while eating dinner there. Its always nice to catch the movie again.. However, I guess he’s old already, hence doesn’t really do much moves during his rehearsal..Anyway I did halfway, it was already so late, so I gave up n headed home to rest as I dunno wat’s wrong wif me, my head just hurts…

Sunday 3rd Jan 2010

I slept ard 4am last nite and woke up at 8am plus.. Dunno y I wake up so early, but I just can’t go back to slp.. So I turned on my internet n stone there.. Until afternoon, cuz nobody’s around, I started to feel tired n went to bed n slp.. Originally, they planned to have a number ball snooker at amk hub in the afternoon, meeting at 2pm, but cuz wil last min say work cannot dismiss early, kit was tired n have to eat dinner at home, so the activity was cancelled.

I spent the remaining time in bed until I drag myself up to prepare n headed out to SP mac to do my things. Called Jason Bear to come find me for dinner, but Newspaper boy showed up while I was waiting for JB. So when bear arrives, we headed to arcade to bring NB down to hav dinner at KFC. Its been some time since I have not eat kfc, so I wanted to eat it.

The spicy level of the black pepper has reduced, compared to the 1st time I ate, but still not lowered for JB tat he sweats a lot while he’s eating. So after which, we headed back to arcade where I companied them to arcade until abt 9pm+ where I’m back now at mac to finish my task n blogging now.. Tot for a movie, but I dun think I have the energy to do tat now.. Guess I will head home for now..

Stopped Blogging on 4th Jan at 2am

Additional Post
(Start blogging on 4th Jan at 11.38am)

I missed out something on Sunday’s post. Since the afternoon activity was cancelled n I was alone at home, I did some searching of young photos. Managed to find a very own, 1 n only 1, solo baby photo which I have in the past. It has turned yellow now. Wanted to preserved it, but somehow I am not able to do so.. I tried taking the photo with my camera, but its not clear at all. Since not able to transfer the photo to my laptop, I am not able to share the photo.. sigh…

(Finished blogging on 4th Jan at 11.43am)

bubbles of sadness.

*11:43 AM .

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